Oh the joys of flying.
No matter how hard I try not to be OCD and arrive at the airport just an hour early,
I can't do it.
Today I "accidentally" arrived at 6:50 a.m. for an 8:35 a.m. flight.
There's just no need for that.
But in my compulsive mind I planned for traffic
(there wasn't any)
long spring break lines
(again, nothing)
and anything else in between
(my cab picked me up at 6:20 and I was through security by 6:52 a.m.)
Thirty-two minutes from house to terminal, that's just unheard of my friends.
So as I sat and people watched I came to the conclusion of a few things.
Like for instance I think we can all agree that perhaps
our world just wasn't quite ready for moving sidewalks.
Little kids are scared to get on them, old people are scared to get off of them,
and foreigners seem to act like it's a magic carpet ride.
Perhaps in the future we can all get the hang of them,
but like round-about-intersections inNorfolk a small town,
they just prove to be a little too confusing for some people right now.
I think they're just a bit too advanced.
I mean some of us are still trying to adjust to the escalator.
I stepped onto an escalator the other day that wasn't working and I acted as if I didn't know how to walk.
It was the strangest thing. I just stood there for a good second thinking
what on earth do I do next?
And then let's talk about Southwest Airlines.
Does anybody really get an "A" these days without pre paying for it?
I don't think so.
I "checked in" right at my flight time and received a
"sorry, play again next time."
And then they've got that whole "family pre boarding" thing in between the A's and B's.
Which I happen to think is a real injustice to single folk like myself.
Why do you get to board before me just because you've chosen to have kids?
Moms, serious question- wouldn't you like the chance to sit away from your kids for an hour or two?
I can't help but think when I'm a mom (maybe someday way off in the future) I'd be thrilled
to hear that me and my screaming baby couldn't sit together.
I joke, I joke! I get that young families want to sit together.
But what I don't get is when "family boarding" is called, and suddenly Duggar: Party of 22
starts walking onboard.
And seven of the "kids" seem to have Jack disease because they're growing facial hair.
What's that all about?
Again, sorry for the sass. Airports bring out the worst in me.
Especially when I happen to pick the seat next to Dean Ziegler.
And if you don't know who Dean Ziegler is we might have to call it quits right here.
Ziegler is an insurance sales rep as played by John C. Reilly in Cedar Rapids.
I kid you not, I was seated in between the two most obnoxious 1990ish sales men I've ever met.
They consistently slapped each others back, wheeze-laughed like they regularly smoke a pack a day,
and said things like "fun bags" and "happy hour 101."
I was embarrassed for them.
But if anyone in Omaha is looking for some "fun guys" to drink with after work,
they're staying at the Holiday Inn, room 910 until Thursday.
Bring your rape whistle.
Well guys I gotta go, I see the lovely flight attendant coming around with her basket of treats.
Airplanes: the only place left in America where people are still happy
to receive a small handful of peanuts.
Peanuts: the official sponsor of hitting rock bottom.
Jk. I love peanuts.
No matter how hard I try not to be OCD and arrive at the airport just an hour early,
I can't do it.
Today I "accidentally" arrived at 6:50 a.m. for an 8:35 a.m. flight.
There's just no need for that.
But in my compulsive mind I planned for traffic
(there wasn't any)
long spring break lines
(again, nothing)
and anything else in between
(my cab picked me up at 6:20 and I was through security by 6:52 a.m.)
Thirty-two minutes from house to terminal, that's just unheard of my friends.
So as I sat and people watched I came to the conclusion of a few things.
Like for instance I think we can all agree that perhaps
our world just wasn't quite ready for moving sidewalks.
Little kids are scared to get on them, old people are scared to get off of them,
and foreigners seem to act like it's a magic carpet ride.
Perhaps in the future we can all get the hang of them,
but like round-about-intersections in
they just prove to be a little too confusing for some people right now.
I think they're just a bit too advanced.
I mean some of us are still trying to adjust to the escalator.
I stepped onto an escalator the other day that wasn't working and I acted as if I didn't know how to walk.
It was the strangest thing. I just stood there for a good second thinking
what on earth do I do next?
And then let's talk about Southwest Airlines.
Does anybody really get an "A" these days without pre paying for it?
I don't think so.
I "checked in" right at my flight time and received a
"sorry, play again next time."
And then they've got that whole "family pre boarding" thing in between the A's and B's.
Which I happen to think is a real injustice to single folk like myself.
Why do you get to board before me just because you've chosen to have kids?
Moms, serious question- wouldn't you like the chance to sit away from your kids for an hour or two?
I can't help but think when I'm a mom (maybe someday way off in the future) I'd be thrilled
to hear that me and my screaming baby couldn't sit together.
I joke, I joke! I get that young families want to sit together.
But what I don't get is when "family boarding" is called, and suddenly Duggar: Party of 22
starts walking onboard.
And seven of the "kids" seem to have Jack disease because they're growing facial hair.
What's that all about?
Again, sorry for the sass. Airports bring out the worst in me.
Especially when I happen to pick the seat next to Dean Ziegler.
And if you don't know who Dean Ziegler is we might have to call it quits right here.
Ziegler is an insurance sales rep as played by John C. Reilly in Cedar Rapids.
I kid you not, I was seated in between the two most obnoxious 1990ish sales men I've ever met.
They consistently slapped each others back, wheeze-laughed like they regularly smoke a pack a day,
and said things like "fun bags" and "happy hour 101."
I was embarrassed for them.
But if anyone in Omaha is looking for some "fun guys" to drink with after work,
they're staying at the Holiday Inn, room 910 until Thursday.
Bring your rape whistle.
Well guys I gotta go, I see the lovely flight attendant coming around with her basket of treats.
Airplanes: the only place left in America where people are still happy
to receive a small handful of peanuts.
Peanuts: the official sponsor of hitting rock bottom.
Jk. I love peanuts.
