What to expect when you're expecting the Huskers

Dear Madison,

First of all, congrats on the honor of welcoming the entire state of Nebraska into your state. You're in for a real treat. But that being said, let's not forget who either of us are. You are Wisconsin, we are Nebraska. So spare the hick/farm/country jokes, it's not like you're USC. You're a state known for cheese and fat, white people. Us, for corn and fat, white people. To each their own stereotypes. And like I've already said, yes, we are bringing the entire state. So no need for the snide remark, "geez,  is the whole state here this weekend?" Because yes, yes it is. And we take pride in this. So suck it.

As you probably know, many of us will be making the long drive up to Wisconsin. What you don't know, is that it is a Nebraska law that when a Husker drives by a fellow Husker we are actually required to honk and wave excitedly throwing the "#1" finger out the window. It's just what we do. And regardless to what you've heard or will see, we don't all travel in RV's. Only the lucky ones. The rest of us will just pack in our cars like sardines.  We are the greatest fans in college football. You better be ready. But don't fret, the rumors are true. We're all pretty great. I mean some are overly nice to our opponents (my dad) and I guess a few might be a little overly rude (my brother.) But don't judge us on those few assholes who don't actually know anything about football but just tag along for the booze and Facebookable mobile pics. Cough cough. And don't you dare even think about heckling us. Because we roll deep. I'm as nice of a Husker fan as the next, but I can only handle hecklers for so long until shit hits the fan. And our shit has corn in it, so you don't want to go there. We know you think you're going to win, and obviously so do we. So rather than talking shit to each other with "good luck, you'll need it," or "you guys are going down," how about we agree to let the players duke it out, because they are afterall the ones playing the game. I know sometimes we, as fans, tend forget this but the fact remains. 

As for what to expect from us in the bars, well, it's not going to be pretty. We're not mean drunks, but I think I speak for a majority of us when I say we're pretty much down right sloppy. Remember that cute Husker girl fan you saw earlier that made you think, "hey, Nebraska girls are cuter than I thought," well there's a good chance she'll be drooling in the corner of a bar by the end of the night slamming pizza and jäger bombs. Her boyfriend (or boy for the night) will be fist pumping near by. Nebraska kids by day, Jersey Shore trash by night. We're just fun like that. Win or loose, we'll still drink the shit out of your town. 

But I sure hope we win. I know your quarterback is supposed to be pretty good, but we have T Magic. And as long as Tay Tay doesn't hurt his ankle, or break his toe nail, or get a calf cramp, he'll do as good as has dad will allow, darn it. So get ready Madison, we're coming for you. Things are about to get crazy, sexy, cool. See you in about eight hours.

Love always,

Bill Callahan