I had such good intentions of posting while on vacation.
I truly did.
But once on the boat I learned that the only way I could access internet was from the internet cafe.
And as much as I enjoyed hanging out at "the cafe" with all of the other thirteen-year-olds
IM'ing and writing love messages via Facebook,
I decided my time was probably better spent doing stuff like this-
And so l tried my very best to enjoy a vacation like our ancestors did.
I took photos that were not immediately Instagrammed.
I did not scroll Facebook while laying out,
and I couldn't tweet every little inspirational thought that came to mind.
And I hated it.
Go ahead and judge me for loving social media
I don't care, I freaken love it.
Yes, even on vacation I love technology.
However, that being said, I still managed to have a really really great trip.
I've decided I'm really good at vacations.
Here's a few photos of the trip before the trip at Sea World-
not to be confused with Seamen World as my perverted google engine kept begging me to search.
We chose Sea World over Disney World for a few reasons.
1. My family doesn't enjoy lines or crowds.
2. We do enjoy an alcoholic beverage or two.
Disney has crowds, and Sea World serves alcohol.
Which would you choose?
Plus, I love dolphins.
And I've been dying to see a really great water circ de soleil act.
Wait, what?
Yes.
The "dolphin show" is so much more than just dolphins these days.
It now involves grown men in tights and sparkly makeup,
dancing in water, acting out some sort of very bizarre story.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think the plot had something to do with dolphin Gods and HIV.
Note to Sea World: more dolphin flips, less men tap dancing in water.
And that wraps up part one of my vacations posts.
Don't worry, there's only two parts.
It's almost time to board my plane back to reality.... Ugh.
The shittiest part about a vacation is that it always ends in an airport.
Taylor's Rules to Surviving the Airport:
1. Pick a security line and commit to it.
Do not look around,
it will only piss you off because the line you didn't choose will always move faster.
It's just a law of physics.
2. Stay away from lines with babies and foreigners.
And the elderly.
Especially if the elderly are carrying foreign babies.
3. Do not touch anything.
But if you must, the cleanest place in an airport is the mens sink.
Because it has never been used.
4. Avoid the woman in the TSA jump suit who is glaring at you.
She hates you. She hates everyone. She hates herself.
Her ultimate goal is to ruin your vacation. As well as your life.
5. Remember that every line is only followed by another line.
False excitement is all around you.
Just embrace it.
This also means just accepting that the person in front of you in the security line is going
to put on all 73 items of her clothing just outside the metal detector rather than stepping aside.
Over and out.
