Just for the record, I'm not one of those girls who's always had more guy friends than girl friends. Never.
I tried to play that card in middle school but it didn't work.
I like scented candles too much, I scream when my Real Simple comes in the mail, and I legitimately enjoy cleaning. I could talk about celebs for hours and know way too much about the calorie content in various candy bars and baked goods. And I like my girl friends. I'm lucky to say I've got a good bunch.
So when thrown into an all female office I wasn't intimidated. I survived living in a sorority house of 70 other high strung college girls and managed to come out with 70 new bridesmaids. Just kidding. But I did come out with some lifers.
That being said, here are a few lessons I picked up when working in a "professional" office of all females. *disclaimer: nothing I say is based on anything, or anyone specific... right? Right. However, if you happen to recognize a few of the situations, or even see yourself in them, well to that I say, if the Tory Burch fits...
Lessons Learned Working in a Female Office:
#1- Once a tattle tale, always a tattle tale.
Those same annoying girls from the playground who told the teacher when they thought you were up to something (most times you weren't) rather than approaching you, have grown up. Now the teacher is the boss, the playground is the office, and the tattle tale still prefers to attack from behind.
#2- One is never too old to throw a "you're wearing the same outfit as me!" tantrum. Much to my surprise, grown women still throw bitch fits about this. I thought it stopped at 16, as well.
#3- Be prepared to have at least 30-35 (dependent on the day) congratulatory responses ready to send out for every mundane task completed. "Great job :)! "Woo hoo!" "That's awesome!" "You go Glen CoCo!" Quality of response and response time will be noted. And judged.
#4- Know your fridge etiquette. NAMES MUST GO ON ALL FOOD. For God's sake this is serious. I'm not joking around here. If your name isn't listed on your food I think the office might blow up. Or a passive aggressive email will be sent immediately. I don't know which is worse.
#5- Consistency is non existent. Let's go over some examples:
Not taking a phone call when you're visibly upset- completely inappropriate!
Lap dances given on other co workers- you're golden.
Asking to print too many copies of something- NOT ACCEPTABLE.
Laying on the floor next to your desk when you're hungover- Hilarious!
Leaving work at 5:00- Not okay.
Being hammered at work at 3:00 in the afternoon- PROMOTION!
#6- Diet secrets are like money. Once the word gets out there's a new diet in the house everybody wants to know exact details about what it entails and how much weight you've already lost. And then let the competitions begin.
#7- Never be the first to leave the work party. Expect rude texts if you do. However, never be the drunkest at the work party. Or do?! I never figured this one out. And if there's a table, dance on it! It's still cute even if you're 28. ...
#8- This is not a team sport. If you think everyone is working for the greater good well then you are sorely mistaken. Only one person wins this game. Again, I clearly had no idea what that game was.
#9- Wear water proof mascara when attending work outings. Someone is always going to cry. When was the last time a coworker made you cry? Kind of pathetic sad, huh?
#10- Most importantly what I took away, is learning how to treat others. I've heard grown women can sometimes be cold to each other, or constantly talk about one another, or just always leave someone on the outside without thinking two bones about it. I guess I was just naive about this type of behavior because I'd never experienced anything like it before. Oddly enough my friends and I don't actually talk about one another. I guess it's because we like each other or something...
So to be on the outside, the one who just didn't "fit in" or "mesh," was a really fresh perspective for me. It made me want to apologize to every person I've ever made feel the way I felt. It kind of sucked. The only difference is I was a highschooler, a college kid at most when I played those kind of shitty games. Not a 30 year old in a working environment.
Regardless, I really do apologize to anyone I made feel that way.
If you're in a tough situation, hang in there. Or don't. Just get the hell out and I think you'll see it's much better.
XOXO
"it's just me."
