I hate this term "landlord."
It sounds so middle ages to me.
It just makes me feel like even more of a peasant that I can't afford my own house and instead have to pay monthly wages to a lord in order to dwell in their home. Or I will be hung in town square.
Up until late, Chris and I have gotten on quite well with our Lord believe it or not. She had renters who wanted our place in May, so she asked us if we could be out a month earlier than our lease stated in June. Naturally, we said hells yes. The warm weather has brought with it numerous creepy crawlies that are finding their way into our cozy little garden level. And not the fun creepy crawlies that Sarah Fisher and I used to make on her "Make Your Own Creepy Crawly" toy circa 1995. That was a sweet toy though, and talk about two little dykey 8 year olds who preferred to make fake worms and spiders than play on the Easy Bake ovens our mom's bought us in a desperate attempt to make sure we wouldn't grow up with butch hair cuts and girlfriends named Terry. (This was the 90s, mom's weren't nearly as accepting.)
Anyway,
We told our new lords May 1st. All was good to go. That is until LL#1 told us she took back her previous statement and we now had to stay until June 1st. No questions asked, the lease could only be broken if it was beneficial to her. Perfect. Now we stand to lose our wonderful little brownstone I so boastfully posted photos of less than a week ago.
Beyond the fact that our apartment is crawling with centipedes, our 1962 stove now burns anything on or near it whenever the oven is above 250 degrees. Our spatula now looks like a public service announcement for what a person's brain on meth looks like, and our kitchen smells like it too. Or how I imagine meth to smell, hard drugs made from fertilizer and cough syrup aren't my thing.
And did I mention I just discovered two pairs of leather boots that are growing hair since it appears the storage room where they were kept tends to flood from time to time. I think it's time to call Judge Judy. My mom informed me she tapes in Chicago. If anyone can settle this matter it's the judge with the 90's hair cut and take-no-shit attitude.
Talk about negative nelly. My bad. I should be in a great mood considering the lovely yellow jeans I just purchased at Gap. The jeans aren't overly cute, it was just the size I was attracted to. I love when stores size up out of nowhere and suddenly I'm two sizes smaller than normal! It's like losing weight without even trying to. If you'd like to feel good about yourself as well, I suggest heading into Gap and getting these jeans ASAP. Banana Republic is a also sure bet to make you feel skinny too.
Happy opening Cubs Day! If you're heading up to Wrigley I hope you're intoxicated. People have been drinking there since the bars opened at 9:00 a.m. I plan to take full advantage of the drunk people by setting up a stand after the game just a block off of Wrigleyville where I will be selling nachos and a shielded area where girls can pay $3 to pop-a-squat, toilet paper will be included as well obviously.
