Siracha VS The FDA
Because of new "stricter regulations" Siracha has been forced to put all of their shipments on hold for thirty days as of December 10th. And people are freaking out! More specifically, Chris is freaking out. He puts Siracha on eggs, pizza, pasta, soup, hamburgers, fries, chips, stir fry, quinoa, he damn near bathes in the stuff. If you ask me, this has conspiracy written all over it. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that Tobasco is in the FDA's back pocket- literally. Who's the winner here? Your bathroom.
Cell Phones VS Flight Attendants
The FCC is voting to lift the in-flight cell phone ban once and for all. I don't want to say I told you, Ms. Flight Attendant, but I TOLD YOU SO. I've known all along that cell phones don't cause any harm to airplane instruments and that it was just a power issue for the snotty flight attendants who took great pleasure in telling unsuspecting passengers to "Um maam, you need to turn that off now. Yes, I said now, we just made the announcement. All the way off. There we go. Thank you now... " The moment I could online shop from my computer while in the air I knew the whole cell phone gig would be up in just a matter of time. Who's the winner on this one? Not flight attendants.Elf on the Shelf VS The Mouse in Your Countdown-to-Christmas Calendar
"This is bullshit," said the miniature stuffed mouse in the santa hat, "back in the day I used to be the highlight of your kids morning. They'd run downstairs and fight over who got to move me one day over on the calendar. But now? Now it's all about that creepy bastard in the green suit. What do you call him? Frank? George? Lucky? I know it's something stupid like that. Well he's a shady little guy, you think you know what he's up to, but you have no idea. And those gifts he leaves behind? Puh-lease, that's from their mom." The winner? Kids, because they've just tricked their parents into giving them even more gifts at Christmas.
The Pope VS Miley
These two were both in the running for TIME's person of the year. And much to my relief, Pope Francis was made the winner. When Miley was asked about how she felt losing to the Pope her response was "I do Molly." The biggest loser here would be all of us for allowing a category in which The Pope was actually placed alongside Miley.
Beyonce VS Sasha Fierce
One of the two of these ladies shocked the world last night and just released a brand new album without any forewarning. So far Beyonce is taking all of the credit for her new album appropriately titled "Beyonce." But I have a feeling Sasha is behind this one, she's always been the more unpredictable one of the two.
That's all I've got. Have a great weekend, stay warm out there.
