Chris has suggested before that he thinks I should start carrying "freight" with me
between Chicago and Nebraska because I make the trip so frequently.
In another life I think I was a semi driver because I really don't mind eight hours on the open road,
but anything pushing nine starts to be a bit much for me.
Harlow maxes out around nine, as well.
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*resist the urge to judge the white trash sheet I lay across the backseat for him...
When you're in your car so much you start to notice things, like behaviors of other drivers.
Somewhere in between Des Moines and Davenport I came to the conclusion that the world would
be an entirely better place if we didn't have cars.
Because we are all at our worst when behind the safety of our own steering wheel.
But then after hanging out with my two year old nephew, Knox, for five days,
I realized people aren't actually evil while driving, they're just toddlers.
And thus I bring to you,
1. We get insanely mad over the smallest things.
NO BLINKER???? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN MY LIFE?
2. And yet a simple "I'm sorry" hand gesture will often calm us right back down.
I'll be damned if I let anyone just cut me off, but if they just give me a simple (yet apologetic)
"can I cut in look?"
they're almost instantly forgiven in my book.
3. Social norms don't apply in a car,
and most times we'll just yell whatever it is that we're thinking at the moment.
GET OFF THE ROAD YOU IDIOT!!!
HAVE YOU EVER DRIVEN A CAR BEFORE, GRANDMA?
Just like drivers, toddlers can be pretty cruel too.
4. Because we like to point at people and just yell "NO!"
"NO!" you can't sneak in here.
"NO!" don't you dare pull out.
"NO!" just no.
5. Because people do gross things in their car they wouldn't normally do in any other public setting.
Like pick their boogers.
I feel like some people think they're invisible in their car and just do whatever they damn well please.
Like drive without pants.
I understand taking off your shoes to get a little more comfortable, but pants? Really?
Invest in some sweat pants at least.
6. There is no such thing as patience in a car.
Sitting for one minute in traffic is one minute too long.
We've got better things to do than just sit in our car! Like sit on the couch usually...
7. Because dropping our favorite toy will make us absolutely lose our shit.
I'm talking about that awful moment when your phone falls into the deep dark crevice
between your seat and the middle console.
"NOOOOOOOO! IT'S GONE FOREVER!!!"
8. Because we are about as demanding as it gets while behind the wheel.
Have you ever tried to give someone directions when they are driving and lost?
It's seriously like talking to a toddler.
Because the fact they're lost is obviously you're fault, never mind you're just trying to help.
9. Making any decision while in a car becomes a difficult one.
"Should I get gas here?"
"Do I need to put air in my tires?"
"Should I pull off here?"
"Is this my exit?"
"Do I need to fix that check engine light?"
"Should we get food here?"
"Is it too hot in here?"
10. Lastly, I think we are most like toddlers behind the wheel because usually the reason for 99%
of our angst is rooted in the fact we are either
a. tired or
b. hungry.
And a little bag of Cheerios will always boost our mood.
between Chicago and Nebraska because I make the trip so frequently.
In another life I think I was a semi driver because I really don't mind eight hours on the open road,
but anything pushing nine starts to be a bit much for me.
Harlow maxes out around nine, as well.
.JPG)
When you're in your car so much you start to notice things, like behaviors of other drivers.
Somewhere in between Des Moines and Davenport I came to the conclusion that the world would
be an entirely better place if we didn't have cars.
Because we are all at our worst when behind the safety of our own steering wheel.
But then after hanging out with my two year old nephew, Knox, for five days,
I realized people aren't actually evil while driving, they're just toddlers.
And thus I bring to you,
1. We get insanely mad over the smallest things.
NO BLINKER???? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN MY LIFE?
2. And yet a simple "I'm sorry" hand gesture will often calm us right back down.
I'll be damned if I let anyone just cut me off, but if they just give me a simple (yet apologetic)
"can I cut in look?"
they're almost instantly forgiven in my book.
3. Social norms don't apply in a car,
and most times we'll just yell whatever it is that we're thinking at the moment.
GET OFF THE ROAD YOU IDIOT!!!
HAVE YOU EVER DRIVEN A CAR BEFORE, GRANDMA?
Just like drivers, toddlers can be pretty cruel too.
4. Because we like to point at people and just yell "NO!"
"NO!" you can't sneak in here.
"NO!" don't you dare pull out.
"NO!" just no.
5. Because people do gross things in their car they wouldn't normally do in any other public setting.
Like pick their boogers.
I feel like some people think they're invisible in their car and just do whatever they damn well please.
Like drive without pants.
I understand taking off your shoes to get a little more comfortable, but pants? Really?
Invest in some sweat pants at least.
Not sure what is worse here, the fuzzy steering wheel cover or the fact this kid is obviously hammered.
6. There is no such thing as patience in a car.
Sitting for one minute in traffic is one minute too long.
We've got better things to do than just sit in our car! Like sit on the couch usually...
7. Because dropping our favorite toy will make us absolutely lose our shit.
I'm talking about that awful moment when your phone falls into the deep dark crevice
between your seat and the middle console.
"NOOOOOOOO! IT'S GONE FOREVER!!!"
8. Because we are about as demanding as it gets while behind the wheel.
Have you ever tried to give someone directions when they are driving and lost?
It's seriously like talking to a toddler.
Because the fact they're lost is obviously you're fault, never mind you're just trying to help.
I'm about to back this shit up.
"Should I get gas here?"
"Do I need to put air in my tires?"
"Should I pull off here?"
"Is this my exit?"
"Do I need to fix that check engine light?"
"Should we get food here?"
"Is it too hot in here?"
10. Lastly, I think we are most like toddlers behind the wheel because usually the reason for 99%
of our angst is rooted in the fact we are either
a. tired or
b. hungry.
And a little bag of Cheerios will always boost our mood.
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