Small Victories

And we have almost found ourselves at the end of yet another January.
Today is finally the last Monday of this godforsaken month.
I celebrate this fact every single year.
I've probably been taking note of it since I was a stressed out seven year old all pissed off that my
underground candy-ring sales were usually down for this month.
Whatever the reason,
getting through another January always feels like a small victory for me.

Wait, what was I saying? 

Whenever I see a Megan From Bridesmaids image I completely distract myself.

Oh yes, small victories.

Being that I view winter as a dark and dreary necessary evil,

I find it's a good time to focus on the small victories that happen all around us.

Such as...

 When I'm able to hit my iphone just hard enough with my gloves on so that I don't actually

have to remove them to do something really important like browse Instagram at the dog park.

Or when I'm actually able to unload the entire dishwasher in the time it takes 

my food to heat up in the microwave.

Or any other mundane chore that can be accomplished in 2.5 minutes.

Getting through a meal without spilling on myself while I sit on the couch and

watch DVR episodes of RHBH.

and two seconds after taking this photo the champagne went all down my shirt...

Not spilling is more like a huge victory for me.

All of my winter scarves have more booze on them than a bar stool.

(That's from going out by the way, not from my unemployed lunches at home...)

When Chris or myself can get our seat belts on before that sonofbitch beeper stops beeping.

That car "safety device" doesn't save lives, 

it ruins relationships.

When I finish burning a candle completely.

Why I feel this is even slightly victorious I have no idea.

I guess my life is kinda uneventful right now...

Now here's a real victory-

getting to the bottom of a chapstick before the sun or some other element does.

I think I've accomplished this only twice in my life.

And once was during my intense Bonnebelle-Dr.Pepper-flavor eating phase of '97.

When I finish the last of my shampoo.

Again, this is like the candle thing- a bizarre unwarranted sense of accomplishment.

When Jimmy Johns "accidentally" brings me regular chips rather than those

thinny chips I occasionally try to pretend I can tolerate.

Having my computer charger close so I don't have to get up and get it.

Because if it's all the way in my room we both know I'm just gonna have to resort to using my phone until tomorrow.

When one onion ring happens to fall into my mix of regular fries.

If this never happens to you you're not eating at the right fast food places.

And after having recounted all of these wonderful little moments I'm suddenly
in a great mood.
I going to go tackle this Monday like a self confident little girl with a dark strike
of bang down her forehead.

Hmmm...
Maybe that's my scar from Hogwarts?