I intended to write a lovely little recap about this past weekend.
I was going to ramble on about shopping, and going out to nice dinners,
and walking around Zoo Lights with two-year-old Knox last night.
But thirty minutes ago I got a speeding ticket and now my mood has gone to shit.
Absolute shit.
The second you realize you did in fact receive a ticket rather than just a warning
is the worst. feeling. ever.
I imagine it's somewhat similar to what Jenny must have felt when she learned she was
pregnant with little Forrest while also being HIV positive.
In the time it took Officer Dipshit to tell me he was going to ruin myday week,
and then actually write out the damn ticket in his car I think I literally
went through all seven stages of grief.
1. Shock and denial-
Oh no, not me, not me. He made a mistake. I can't get a ticket. I wasn't even speeding.
It was the BMW. This can't be happening today.
2. Pain and guilt-
I'm gonna be sick. Or cry. Or both.
3. Anger and bargaining-
This is bullshit! I was going with the flow of traffic.
I'll tell him I'll never speed again if I get a warning.
Maybe I can offer him some beef jerky to change his mind...
4. Depression-
My life is over.
5. Upward turn-
There's got to be a way out of this...
6. Reconstruction-
Google: how to fight speeding tickets.
7. Acceptance and hope-
I'll see this sonofabitch in court.
This was social profiling at it's worst.
And I was going to be so productive today.
But now I just want to sulk in a bath tub full of leftover turkey and mashed potatoes.
Did I mention I got a $70 parking ticket just two days ago?
Chicago's been quite the bitch lately.
Or perhaps I should say Karma has...
I'm quite sure I've self inflected all of this bad "luck."
Last Wednesday night we all went out to dinner to celebrate the start of a wonderful
weekend, and well I got a little tipsy and did something I shouldn't have.
I'm so ashamed I don't even want to say it.
I "accidentally borrowed" the copper mug I was drinking my Moscow Mule from.
I accidentally put it in my purse and took it home.
I feel the need to say here that I don't steal. -says guilty people.
When all of my sketchy teenager friends were stealing from Target I never went along.
I've never taken money that wasn't mine, and on the rare occasion a store clerk
might give me too much change back I always speak up.
Because I believe strongly in karma.
What comes around, goes around.
So why I thought it was cute or funny or cool to take a copper mug that doesn't belong to me,
I have no idea.
I told myself it wasn't stealing because people take glasses from restaurants all of the time.
I mean, right? No. Probably not.
I felt bad about it the second I got it home.
And then I even hid it under the sink because it was haunting me.
I knew immediately I would pay for my shitty decision one way or another.
Less than five days later I now owe $250+ in parking/traffic tickets.
Thanks Karma, I got it.
The mug is currently packed securely in an envelope with an apology note attached,
addressed to the restaurant.
I can't get that thing out of my house fast enough.
And now I have to figure out if I should pay the tickets,
or fight them...
The parking ticket is definitely a mistake on Chicago's part, I'll for sure fight that one.
As for the speeding ticket... I'm quite sure I was singled out because of my Nebraska plates.
Has anyone ever went to court to fought a ticket and actually got out of it?
Because I'm real tempted.
My streak as a part time attorney is really pretty good. I've won six cases and counting...
But now I gotta go.
I feel like sulking again.
I was going to ramble on about shopping, and going out to nice dinners,
and walking around Zoo Lights with two-year-old Knox last night.
But thirty minutes ago I got a speeding ticket and now my mood has gone to shit.
Absolute shit.
The second you realize you did in fact receive a ticket rather than just a warning
is the worst. feeling. ever.
I imagine it's somewhat similar to what Jenny must have felt when she learned she was
pregnant with little Forrest while also being HIV positive.
In the time it took Officer Dipshit to tell me he was going to ruin my
and then actually write out the damn ticket in his car I think I literally
went through all seven stages of grief.
1. Shock and denial-
Oh no, not me, not me. He made a mistake. I can't get a ticket. I wasn't even speeding.
It was the BMW. This can't be happening today.
2. Pain and guilt-
I'm gonna be sick. Or cry. Or both.
3. Anger and bargaining-
This is bullshit! I was going with the flow of traffic.
I'll tell him I'll never speed again if I get a warning.
Maybe I can offer him some beef jerky to change his mind...
4. Depression-
My life is over.
5. Upward turn-
There's got to be a way out of this...
6. Reconstruction-
Google: how to fight speeding tickets.
7. Acceptance and hope-
I'll see this sonofabitch in court.
This was social profiling at it's worst.
And I was going to be so productive today.
But now I just want to sulk in a bath tub full of leftover turkey and mashed potatoes.
Did I mention I got a $70 parking ticket just two days ago?
Chicago's been quite the bitch lately.
Or perhaps I should say Karma has...
I'm quite sure I've self inflected all of this bad "luck."
Last Wednesday night we all went out to dinner to celebrate the start of a wonderful
weekend, and well I got a little tipsy and did something I shouldn't have.
I'm so ashamed I don't even want to say it.
I "accidentally borrowed" the copper mug I was drinking my Moscow Mule from.
I accidentally put it in my purse and took it home.
I feel the need to say here that I don't steal. -says guilty people.
When all of my sketchy teenager friends were stealing from Target I never went along.
I've never taken money that wasn't mine, and on the rare occasion a store clerk
might give me too much change back I always speak up.
Because I believe strongly in karma.
What comes around, goes around.
So why I thought it was cute or funny or cool to take a copper mug that doesn't belong to me,
I have no idea.
I told myself it wasn't stealing because people take glasses from restaurants all of the time.
I mean, right? No. Probably not.
I felt bad about it the second I got it home.
And then I even hid it under the sink because it was haunting me.
I knew immediately I would pay for my shitty decision one way or another.
Less than five days later I now owe $250+ in parking/traffic tickets.
Thanks Karma, I got it.
The mug is currently packed securely in an envelope with an apology note attached,
addressed to the restaurant.
I can't get that thing out of my house fast enough.
And now I have to figure out if I should pay the tickets,
or fight them...
The parking ticket is definitely a mistake on Chicago's part, I'll for sure fight that one.
As for the speeding ticket... I'm quite sure I was singled out because of my Nebraska plates.
Has anyone ever went to court to fought a ticket and actually got out of it?
Because I'm real tempted.
My streak as a part time attorney is really pretty good. I've won six cases and counting...
But now I gotta go.
I feel like sulking again.
