Have I told you before how I absolutely hate getting my hair done?
I hate it.
I find the dentist more relaxing, at least there I have a hand in my mouth so I don't have to make
small talk. And sitting for three hours? Kill me. Water board me.
Do anything but make me sit in the same uncomfortable chair in that awful lighting where I'm forced to stare at myself during a time in which I look eerily similar to Joe Dirt's twin sister.
But because I'm a female and am on the brink of a six month ugly stage,
getting my hair colored is my only hope to feel better about myself (superficially.)
And there's also that little happy ending my salon provides. You know what I'm talking about,
the head and neck massage. Oh yeah, the ol head and necker.
It's the only thing that keeps me coming back. But it always trips my trigger when I draw the short straw and end up with Sally Sensitive Hands, carefully rubbing my head like she's making a paper crane.
I want to say, hey this is my head not origami class, rub it like you mean it.
I wanna feel those goosebumps, damn it. But of course I never speak up...
So anyway, while sitting (waiting) at my appointment today I happened to come across this article in Glamour.
Oh how the literary work of Glamour never ceases to amaze me.
Cough, cough.
#1. That perfect fitting once-in-a-lifetime dress to go on sale!
The last dress I bought like this was the the three weekend dress,
and we all know how that one turned out.
I think the only "once in a lifetime" dress should be your wedding dress.
Well that and your 1st divorce dress, I suppose.
#2. Your gay best friend to decide that on second thought, he's in love with you after all!
I don't have a gay best friend, I'd like one. But I'm pretty sure the gay bestie I'm after isn't the
type of guy I'm dreaming will fall in love with me anyway...
#3. Those dishes to wash themselves.
I have a dishwasher and a dog, there are no dirty dishes in my house.
#4. Brad and Jen to get back together.
Guilty. I'll own up to this one.
But I'm also still rooting for Britney and Justin, as well.
#5. Your future husband to sit down on the next barstool.
It was more like a damp, rusty smelling frat couch...
(College, I miss you like bath misses salt.)
#6. The moment when you finally have enough cash to open a 401K.
What's a 401K? Is it like a Y2K?
#7. Years of big raises without ever having to ask for them.
What's a raise? Is it like a Y2K?
#8. The exact right moment to break up.
Five years and going strong.
#9. {blushing}
No.
#10. Life Balance.
Are people really "waiting" for this? I thought this was only something on Lifetime.
And then I got the bill for my haircut and color.
What's a 401k again?
I hate it.
I find the dentist more relaxing, at least there I have a hand in my mouth so I don't have to make
small talk. And sitting for three hours? Kill me. Water board me.
Do anything but make me sit in the same uncomfortable chair in that awful lighting where I'm forced to stare at myself during a time in which I look eerily similar to Joe Dirt's twin sister.
But because I'm a female and am on the brink of a six month ugly stage,
getting my hair colored is my only hope to feel better about myself (superficially.)
And there's also that little happy ending my salon provides. You know what I'm talking about,
the head and neck massage. Oh yeah, the ol head and necker.
It's the only thing that keeps me coming back. But it always trips my trigger when I draw the short straw and end up with Sally Sensitive Hands, carefully rubbing my head like she's making a paper crane.
I want to say, hey this is my head not origami class, rub it like you mean it.
I wanna feel those goosebumps, damn it. But of course I never speak up...
So anyway, while sitting (waiting) at my appointment today I happened to come across this article in Glamour.
Oh how the literary work of Glamour never ceases to amaze me.
Cough, cough.
#1. That perfect fitting once-in-a-lifetime dress to go on sale!
The last dress I bought like this was the the three weekend dress,
and we all know how that one turned out.
Well that and your 1st divorce dress, I suppose.
#2. Your gay best friend to decide that on second thought, he's in love with you after all!
I don't have a gay best friend, I'd like one. But I'm pretty sure the gay bestie I'm after isn't the
type of guy I'm dreaming will fall in love with me anyway...
#3. Those dishes to wash themselves.
I have a dishwasher and a dog, there are no dirty dishes in my house.
#4. Brad and Jen to get back together.
Guilty. I'll own up to this one.
But I'm also still rooting for Britney and Justin, as well.
#5. Your future husband to sit down on the next barstool.
It was more like a damp, rusty smelling frat couch...
#6. The moment when you finally have enough cash to open a 401K.
What's a 401K? Is it like a Y2K?
#7. Years of big raises without ever having to ask for them.
What's a raise? Is it like a Y2K?
#8. The exact right moment to break up.
Five years and going strong.
#9. {blushing}
No.
#10. Life Balance.
Are people really "waiting" for this? I thought this was only something on Lifetime.
And then I got the bill for my haircut and color.
What's a 401k again?
