Chris and I were out to eat last night enjoying a nice light snack
of chicken wings and burgers,
when we got on the topic of failure.
As it turns out, this isn't as fun of a topic as you might think for dinner talk.
Because just within the last few years, I've failed a lot.
Which is so surprising to me, because I always thought of myself as so successful in my youth.
Except for high school of course, when I spent a majority of my time playing Barbies with my cats,
Kit-Kat and Skittles,
and reciting every single line from Love & Basketball.
But I did good in college, right?
Never failed a class, and the one time I almost got a MIP for drinking on campus as a freshman
I talked my way out of it.
"But Occifer, I didn't even know there was dorm in the alcohol..."
Kidding. But that is the line I used to get out of it.
I would later learn the police report noted there were nine cases of beer
and one small party keg in that tiny dorm room.
Oh those were the days...
Anyway, since graduating college in December 2009,
(real graduating I mean, not the time I fake graduated early to get a job)
I've worked at four different places.
Isn't that kind of a lot? I mean for less than three years...
And don't even get me started on the projects I've tried to get to take off.
Let's see there was book #1:
Facebook Girl
the girl we want to hate, but love to creep
It's still on Lulu.com if you're interested....
Book #2:
The Morning After Book
Now I really think this is an undiscovered gem.
You know the Post-Secret book?
Well this is similar, only I was hoping people would anonymously
write on a post card their best morning after story. Check out the link above to read a few that were submitted. They're pretty hilarious.
I'm still going to get this book made one of these days, I mean I have the copyright.
Did I mention last summer I actually stood on Michigan avenue and handed out postcards
to people to try to get this going?
I don't have a lot of humility at this point.
Screenplay writing.
I bought about every book on this subject I could find.
After I read those, then I read every screenplay ever written.
And then I started writing movies.
I wrote three. Then I went to New York and tried to learn from the professionals.
Then I submitted my scripts to producers. And then I got rejected. A lot.
I'm still not over this dream. It's just on hold.
Novel writing.
I start a new novel every. freaken. week.
And by Sunday I hate it. And by Monday another "celebrity" author,
like the always eloquently spoken Lauren Conrad, has another best seller.
Or Hilary Duff.
Or Snooki.
I just keep waiting for Kendall and Kylie Jenner to write a book.
Now that will be a page turner.
And lastly, ironic children's book writing.
This is not a failure. And the sole reason for this is because I have a partner to lean on.
A very talented partner by the name of Kammie Russel.
We could take out all of my words and this book would sell just because of her illustrations.
If you think I'm promoting my own book, you would be right.
But mostly, I'm promoting Kam.
So yeah, I guess you could say I'm happy I grabbed her first
to illustrate this book with me before she was grabbed up by
the 50 Shades author or something.
Now that would be a graphic book to illustrate...
And cue plug:
It's a great gift for baby showers. Or pregnant friends.
Or friends who like to drink. Or pregnant friends who like to drink. KIDDING.
Or just for yourself. Whatever.
If you'd like to purchase it:
Go here Or here
Or if all of this is still too much just email me and say "book."
Me want book.
And I will get the point. It's $20.00.
To wrap this all up in a very Full House Danny Tanner kind of way,
I'd just like to say I know a lot of people are afraid to fail,
I've just always been more afraid not to try.
Boom. Someone put that on a poster in a middle school gym.
of chicken wings and burgers,
when we got on the topic of failure.
As it turns out, this isn't as fun of a topic as you might think for dinner talk.
Because just within the last few years, I've failed a lot.
Which is so surprising to me, because I always thought of myself as so successful in my youth.
Except for high school of course, when I spent a majority of my time playing Barbies with my cats,
Kit-Kat and Skittles,
and reciting every single line from Love & Basketball.
But I did good in college, right?
Never failed a class, and the one time I almost got a MIP for drinking on campus as a freshman
I talked my way out of it.
"But Occifer, I didn't even know there was dorm in the alcohol..."
Kidding. But that is the line I used to get out of it.
I would later learn the police report noted there were nine cases of beer
and one small party keg in that tiny dorm room.
Oh those were the days...
Anyway, since graduating college in December 2009,
(real graduating I mean, not the time I fake graduated early to get a job)
I've worked at four different places.
Isn't that kind of a lot? I mean for less than three years...
And don't even get me started on the projects I've tried to get to take off.
Let's see there was book #1:
Facebook Girl
the girl we want to hate, but love to creep
It's still on Lulu.com if you're interested....
Book #2:
The Morning After Book
Now I really think this is an undiscovered gem.
You know the Post-Secret book?
Well this is similar, only I was hoping people would anonymously
write on a post card their best morning after story. Check out the link above to read a few that were submitted. They're pretty hilarious.
I'm still going to get this book made one of these days, I mean I have the copyright.
Did I mention last summer I actually stood on Michigan avenue and handed out postcards
to people to try to get this going?
I don't have a lot of humility at this point.
Screenplay writing.
I bought about every book on this subject I could find.
After I read those, then I read every screenplay ever written.
And then I started writing movies.
I wrote three. Then I went to New York and tried to learn from the professionals.
Then I submitted my scripts to producers. And then I got rejected. A lot.
I'm still not over this dream. It's just on hold.
Novel writing.
I start a new novel every. freaken. week.
And by Sunday I hate it. And by Monday another "celebrity" author,
like the always eloquently spoken Lauren Conrad, has another best seller.
Or Hilary Duff.
Or Snooki.
I just keep waiting for Kendall and Kylie Jenner to write a book.
Now that will be a page turner.
And lastly, ironic children's book writing.
This is not a failure. And the sole reason for this is because I have a partner to lean on.
A very talented partner by the name of Kammie Russel.
We could take out all of my words and this book would sell just because of her illustrations.
If you think I'm promoting my own book, you would be right.
But mostly, I'm promoting Kam.
to illustrate this book with me before she was grabbed up by
the 50 Shades author or something.
Now that would be a graphic book to illustrate...
Um yeah, she's kind of talented don't you think?
It's a great gift for baby showers. Or pregnant friends.
Or friends who like to drink. Or pregnant friends who like to drink. KIDDING.
Or just for yourself. Whatever.
If you'd like to purchase it:
Go here Or here
Or if all of this is still too much just email me and say "book."
Me want book.
And I will get the point. It's $20.00.
To wrap this all up in a very Full House Danny Tanner kind of way,
I'd just like to say I know a lot of people are afraid to fail,
I've just always been more afraid not to try.
Boom. Someone put that on a poster in a middle school gym.
