I've said it before, and I'll say it again.
I LOVE hometown dates.
Love. Love. Like, I guess.
I just really enjoy seeing where these little insecure men
who feel they need to go on a reality show to find love were raised.
And I mean that in the kindest way.
But count on Emily to make my usually favorite episode
more boring than ever.
Booooring.
Whatever. Let's jump right in:
Chris the Creep in Chicago!
What's more thrilling than seeing your city on TV?
Nothing! So naturally I enjoyed pointing out every little location I recognized.
So yes, in case you were wondering this is my old office building in the background.
So when in the hell was this taped is what I want to know?
After seeing the Wrigley building, it was all down hill from here.
Chris's family is like him,
Polish, hard to understand, and a little bit creepy.
And I got nothing more than that.
I truly found them that dull.
Next up: Jef minus F and his Utah clan.
Why does that sound like a new Mumford & Sons type band to me?
Back to the subject-
did anyone else notice how upon seeing Jef's "ranch" Emily got like
10 times more interested in this little 90s boy?
Just an observation...
Another observation I made is that Jef's sisters' most likely also appeared in Mark Whalberg's
"The Fighter" circa two years ago.
And then Jef wrote Emmers a cute little poem that made her cry.
It made me cry too.
But only because it was confirmed in my heart that Jef needs to Anderson Cooper 360 himself
and come out already.
And then we traveled to Scottsdale to meet Prince Arie's family.
Of course Arie pulled out all of the stops and met Emily dressed in his full race gear.
And he looked "stupid hot" said Emily,
as well as every other white trash Nascar girl in America.
And then we went to his little racecar mansion and met his millionaire parents.
You may also recognize his parents (pictured above on the right) as:
They spoke Dutch.
Emily got uncomfortable.
It might have been the highlight of the show.
And then we travelled to Sean AKA the American boy's house.
And little Miss Emily was concerned his family was "too perfect."
Let me say that again, this girl:
was concerned Sean was too perfect.
Shut up. Stop being annoying. Get out.
And Sean's family bought it.
They ate her up just like... well just like Brad's family did a few years ago.
They talked to each other in their dirty southern accents,
said things like "heart of hearts"
and ended it all with another "Stella" scene thanks to Sean wanting another kiss.
Over it. No thanks.
I'll admit,
at this point, after firecrotch had just chased down Emily's car,
I had no idea who Emily was going to send home,
but I was pretty sure it was going to be Chris.
And I was right.
I'm over this season.
Arie or Jef wins.
I think Arie.
Until next time, lead the life.
I LOVE hometown dates.
Love. Love. Like, I guess.
I just really enjoy seeing where these little insecure men
who feel they need to go on a reality show to find love were raised.
And I mean that in the kindest way.
But count on Emily to make my usually favorite episode
more boring than ever.
Booooring.
Whatever. Let's jump right in:
Chris the Creep in Chicago!
What's more thrilling than seeing your city on TV?
Nothing! So naturally I enjoyed pointing out every little location I recognized.
So when in the hell was this taped is what I want to know?
After seeing the Wrigley building, it was all down hill from here.
Chris's family is like him,
Polish, hard to understand, and a little bit creepy.
And I got nothing more than that.
I truly found them that dull.
Next up: Jef minus F and his Utah clan.
Why does that sound like a new Mumford & Sons type band to me?
Back to the subject-
did anyone else notice how upon seeing Jef's "ranch" Emily got like
10 times more interested in this little 90s boy?
Just an observation...
Another observation I made is that Jef's sisters' most likely also appeared in Mark Whalberg's
"The Fighter" circa two years ago.
And then Jef wrote Emmers a cute little poem that made her cry.
It made me cry too.
But only because it was confirmed in my heart that Jef needs to Anderson Cooper 360 himself
and come out already.
And then we traveled to Scottsdale to meet Prince Arie's family.
Of course Arie pulled out all of the stops and met Emily dressed in his full race gear.
And he looked "stupid hot" said Emily,
as well as every other white trash Nascar girl in America.
And then we went to his little racecar mansion and met his millionaire parents.
You may also recognize his parents (pictured above on the right) as:
They spoke Dutch.
Emily got uncomfortable.
It might have been the highlight of the show.
And then we travelled to Sean AKA the American boy's house.
And little Miss Emily was concerned his family was "too perfect."
Let me say that again, this girl:
was concerned Sean was too perfect.
Shut up. Stop being annoying. Get out.
And Sean's family bought it.
They ate her up just like... well just like Brad's family did a few years ago.
They talked to each other in their dirty southern accents,
said things like "heart of hearts"
and ended it all with another "Stella" scene thanks to Sean wanting another kiss.
Over it. No thanks.
I'll admit,
at this point, after firecrotch had just chased down Emily's car,
I had no idea who Emily was going to send home,
but I was pretty sure it was going to be Chris.
And I was right.
I'm over this season.
Arie or Jef wins.
I think Arie.
Until next time, lead the life.
