Bach Edition- WWED

I don't know what my deal is,

but Emily rubbed me the wrong way tonight.

that's what he said.

Actually, that's probably not what any guy has ever said.

I mean I just feel like she was full of bullshit lines.

But I'll get into that in one second.

Let's start with the one on one date with Dougy.

Wasn't it cute when they went to the Moon Rock and made a love wish?

You know who else does shit like this?

Junior and Trixie.

And we all know how it ended up for these two...

So Dougy and Emmers made their own wishes.

And this is about the time I started to pick up on Emily's

"I try to say everything to make me sound perfect, yet vulnerable and sweet"

lines.

Emily's lines:

"I just wish that I won't have to be single for the rest of my life."
C'mon. No, C'MON!
If she's worried about being single
(while the entire world is trying to date her)
that means the rest of us are all screwed.

"I don't work out."
Really? Because that sure looks like a work out outfit to me.
Who knows though, maybe she's just naturally that skinny...
And then the rumor must be true that it's easier to lose weight after you've had a baby.
said no one.

"I usually just stay in my pjs all day, and even go out like that in public a lot."
I believe this one.
Because I also believe Emily's "pjs" are sparkly ball gowns

"I honestly don't like having men compete for me"
Says the woman on a TV show
all about having men compete... for her.
Stop it.

Although I hardly call what these men are doing "competing."
All they seem to want to do is cry.

First we've got Charlie who cries in the car because he lost the competition...
"I'm just so embarrassed."
Yeah, I would be too. You are crying on National TV because you lost a sailboat race.

And then there's Nate who doesn't know how to pronounce quinoa
and gets choked up because his "friends are just so great."
Why do I have a feeling Nate's "friend's" wear glitter and recite lines from Whitney
while munching on hummus and sipping down Riesling.

You know who doesn't recite TV lines?
Ryan.
Because his neck finally just ate his entire face and he can no longer talk.
Luckily, this means he can no longer stick his foot in his mouth either.