RUDY!

I waited at least two days to discuss this.

I told myself I wasn't going to, but I just can't help it.

It's not everyday you can google "Florida man eats face"

and have at least 100 different stories pull up,

all written in the last day.

Rudy Eugene is the man who lost his life

in the name of cannibalism Monday morning.

I can't help but wonder how this particular day started for ol' Rudy.

Did he wake up and know it was his last day on earth?

Or did he wake up thinking, 

Mmm Mmm I could go for some eggs and face right about now. 

And what about the victim-homeless man?

Wonder if he ever thought that one day his face might get eaten off.

Actually, the more I think about it,

I bet this might be a common fear among homeless people.

"Don't forget to lock up the cardboard at night,

don't want to get your face eaten off!"

is probably what they say, or they do now at least.

And should I touch on the really scandalous part of all this?

The whole naked thing.

I mean, all of the zombies I've seen wear clothes.

Was this some sort of a trade off I wonder?

Like, you show me yours, I'll show you mine

and then I'll eat your face-

type of thing?

It's all just too much.

If only Notre Dame would have let him play in just one more game,

perhaps all of this could have spared...

RUDY! RUDY! RUDY!

I just hope the homeless man pulls through.
And when he does
here are a few things that should probably never be said around him.
Ever again.

They've been sucking face.
I could just eat you up!
We have to face it head on.
Did you see that road kill?
I feel like death right now.
and also
I look like death right now.
Remember when Nickelodeon Jr had "Face"
I'm so hungry I could eat anything.
You need to just face the facts.
Have you seen the movie Face Off?
Just put your best face forward.