Okay...
This is kind of a serious situation.
But what is going on with Jessica Simpson's baby? Or lack their of.
I'm worried. Is nobody else?
How long are we going to wait this out until it just turns into a full on rescue mission?
Somebody (Joe Simpson probably) needs to man up, put a flashlight on their head, grab a shovel, and head inside of her and pull out that trapped Chilean miner!
Hasn't it been like 27 months now?
I mean, bless her heart, but we all know Jess isn't the brightest Molly in the pill jar.
The poor girl couldn't tell tuna from chicken.
How are we supposed to know if she didn't think her water breaking was just another bed wetting accident?
I have all the reason to believe that sweet Jack baby inside of her is lost somewhere in the depths of her uterus writing SOS letters and painting faces on a volleyball.
Do I think Jess ate a volleyball?
Yes, yes I do.
Have you seen the girl?
I think she ate the entire gym class metal bin of balls somewhere along the lines.
But I love it!
Good for her.
Why not?
It's the one time in life you have a legitimate reason to freak out just because you're hungry.
Nothing is more annoying than all of those skinny actresses who go through their pregnancy eating tofu and cigarettes just they can remain slim and give birth to another Rachel Zoe.
The last thing we need in this world are more Rachel Zoe babies.
So that's why we need to save that Precious-of-a-baby inside of Jessica before it's too late.
It's time to band together and get that thing out.
USA. USA. USA.
That's it.
Pulling for ya, Jess.
You'll be back in those Daisy Dukes in no time...
Oh, I'm sorry, we both know you never will be.
But it was fun while it lasted right?
Right.
