Today I woke up lazy. As I do every Saturday. I had a yoga class scheduled for 10:00 a.m. but I felt it necessary to cancel to ensure I had ample time to catch up on Dance Moms. After Maddie's terrible fall last episode I would have felt really bad if I didn't make sure everything was alright with her. Her jazz routines bring me to tears.
For the afternoon, Chris and I had planned to go to Evanston to hang out with his sister and take her to the movie "Lorax." But not without a stop to Chris's favorite meatball sub shop first.
Would you look at that meatball? It should be called a meatloaf sub. And this is why I struggle to "diet" before our trip. I try to eat healthy(er) on the week days. But all shit hits the fan on the weekends. But I've heard this is okay, that our metabolisms deserve a cheat day or something. I have a feeling an overweight girl probably made that one up. Why on earth would my metabolism like a day in which I remind it of all the bomb stuff it doesn't get to eat regularly?
Like the meat trio pizza from Chicago's Pequods... Mmmm.
Anyway... after our first binge of the day at the Italian sub shop we thought it would be fun to take Ashley to see the Lorax. Thinking back however, I'm not sure what we thought would be fun about going to a children's movie the first weekend it opened at 4:30 in the afternoon.
The Lorax didn't get great reviews, but I didn't think it was that bad. Not as bad as the child playing the harmonica three rows in front of me. Or the toddler singing a song that revolved around the same three words "I can. You can" for an ongoing 45 minutes. I wish I was joking. And don't even get me started on the sassy 11 year old I was sitting next to who responded to every line with "oh yeah right!" and "liar!" and "that wouldn't happen!"
Yes, 11 year old, you are correct, a Lorax wouldn't be able to live inside your fridge and eat six sticks of butter all at once. Nothing stumps you.
That was rude. I'm sorry. But it's days like today when I worry I will never have the patience kindness time energy desire to have children.
And then I look to the row behind me and notice a young mother sitting uncomfortably on the floor next to the handicap seat just so her two year old son is able to see properly... And I was moaning that my purse and coat couldn't have its own seat... I'm awful.
Note to self: be less awful.
Cant wait for Saturday Night Live. Lindsay ParentTrap Lohan is hosting. If she doesn't make you feel less awful about yourself nobody will.
"You wanna know the difference between you and I? I know how to fence and you don't, or I have class and you don't."
I'm gonna go with option number one.
