"Girls Tell All" episode: brought to you by Samantha's lazy mouth.
"Where to start?"
Well said, Chris Harrison. Well said. How about let's start with the fact you called Ben "one sexy bachelor" not even two minutes into the show? Yes, let's. And then let's move on to the notion that being on a reunion show like this is the epitome of my worst nightmare. Mini dresses + bipolar disorders + blonde hair + girls yipping at each other = my hell. Coincidentally enough, this all equals Chris Harrison's heaven.
Things worth addressing (according to Christina Harrison)
Blakely being a stripper. Well... here's the thing, you can say a stop sign is yellow, and tell yourself it's yellow, but the fact remains it's still a hooker. I mean, when was the last time you took a topless photo in front of your car?
Somehow I can't see this photo going over as well in front of my Camry.
Shawntel coming back-back. I don't know why she did come back, but I also don't know why Ali left the show way back when to go back to her Facebook job. Or why Vienna chose to wear the same green swim suit every episode circa Jake the Bachelorette season. Some things we just can't figure out. What I can figure out, is that when Jaclyn said "he doesn't want Brad's trash" in reference to Shawntel, Jaclyn is now Ben's trash. As is every other girl in the audience right? I mean according to Jaclyn...
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| You know who I wish didn't come back? Your nose. Sorry. But... Really. |
Emily. Emily still has a crush on Courtney, and she attempts to cover it up by making incredibly bizarre scrunched up faces the entire night.
Nicki. Is Ben really still the "best man you've ever met in your life?" Sad. I hope for your sake you meet much better gentlemen on the Bachelor Pad.
Kacie B. So is she afraid to love? Perhaps. Perhaps she shouldn't have tried to conquer this fear on a reality "love" show.
Courtney seemed... humbled? Seemed sad. Seemed remorseful. Almost normal. Even a little quiet. Dare I say... genuine? Most definitely gorgeous. And the girls attacked her like frizz on Kacie B.
And as the girls squacked and hissed they looked all the more stupid and bitter and ridiculous. Get over it. As Chris (my boyfriend, not Harrison just said) "what the hell are they freaking out about, did she chop babies' heads off?) and yes, Chris watches this with me.
Then Courtney started to cry. And I realized she is a far better mind f*@ker than I ever thought. That bitch is goooood.
And we all know the reason Lindzi didn't come on tonight is because she's at home with a broken heart. Poor thing. I really liked her.
Keep your head up soul sister. Aint nothing a good bottle of wine bronzer and bucket of ice cream bronzer can't solve.
Honorable mentions/why did these girls get more screen time?
Erika. Rather than making fun of sweet Shawntel, why don't you go back to your secret world inside the walls.
Jamie. I said it before, and I'll say it again. Stop. Just stop.
Elyse. There's not enough room on this show for two bronzed babies. Get back to the shore. Snooki needs you now more than ever.
Can this season be over already? I'm tired.
and I'm almost out of Ben look-alikes. Almost...
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