Well things are looking up for this old girl.
Yesterday, out of the clear blue I got a call about a possible job offer.
It went something like this.
Me: Hi, this is Taylor.
This is my "I don't recognize the number and so I need to sound professional in case it's something really good, or really bad" voice.
Caller: Hi, is this Taylor?
Me: Uh, yeah, this is her.
As I look in the mirror and mouth, haven't we already established this?
Caller: Great, my name is Paul and I'm calling because I found your resume on CareerBuilder.
Me: Oh good, I was worried I had lost it for a second.
Caller: Excuse me?
Me: My resume, glad you found it. Continue.
Caller: (uncomfortable laugh)
Oh yes, okay. Anyway, do you have a second to talk about a possible job opportunity?
Me: Well I'm just in between appointments, but I think I could spare a second.
And by appointments I mean Real Housewives Reunion episodes.
My colleague, Kim, is late as usual so we can talk quick.
Caller: I was very impressed by your resume, and think you might be a good fit for Uniforms USA.
Me: Oh? I haven't worn a uniform in ages.
Caller: Well we sell janitorial uniform services to some of the largest manufacturing companies in the USA.
He had me at "janitorial."
Me: Wow, that's impressive. The largest manufacturing companies in the whole world?
Caller: Well, I actually said USA. But close.
(fake laugh happens right here.)
Me: Too bad, world would be a little cooler.
(segue with uncomfortable laugh again)
Caller: I suppose you're right. But anyway, you'd be responsible for finding new clients, maintaining the current base,
and the day to day would just be delivering new uniforms and picking up the old ones.
Me: Nice. Like I'd pick up the used janitor uniforms?
Caller: Essentially yes, do you have access to a car?
Me: Occasionally. But sometimes my boyfriend disappears with it for weeks at a time.
But that's not a big deal. I could carry the big bags of dirty laundry with me on the train, right?
Or the bus even?
Caller: (hesitates) Mmm, I'm not sure. I'd have to check about that.
Me: No biggy, this job sounds great. Now do I get to hire the janitors too?
Caller: Um no, see we just provide them a service actually.
Me: Oh too bad, I know a lot of great folk looking for work right now.
Caller: Of course, can we talk about your background a bit more?
(he started to doubt me here I think.)
Like your last position, perhaps? Tell me more about what you did.
Me: Good question, what does my resume say I did,
I can't remember exactly what I put down?
and then he hung up on me.
Hopefully I get a second interview.
*disclaimer: I don't think I'm better than janitors.
I'm just better than their dirty laundry.
Yesterday, out of the clear blue I got a call about a possible job offer.
It went something like this.
Me: Hi, this is Taylor.
This is my "I don't recognize the number and so I need to sound professional in case it's something really good, or really bad" voice.
Caller: Hi, is this Taylor?
Me: Uh, yeah, this is her.
As I look in the mirror and mouth, haven't we already established this?
Caller: Great, my name is Paul and I'm calling because I found your resume on CareerBuilder.
Me: Oh good, I was worried I had lost it for a second.
Caller: Excuse me?
Me: My resume, glad you found it. Continue.
Caller: (uncomfortable laugh)
Oh yes, okay. Anyway, do you have a second to talk about a possible job opportunity?
Me: Well I'm just in between appointments, but I think I could spare a second.
And by appointments I mean Real Housewives Reunion episodes.
My colleague, Kim, is late as usual so we can talk quick.
Caller: I was very impressed by your resume, and think you might be a good fit for Uniforms USA.
Me: Oh? I haven't worn a uniform in ages.
Caller: Well we sell janitorial uniform services to some of the largest manufacturing companies in the USA.
He had me at "janitorial."
Me: Wow, that's impressive. The largest manufacturing companies in the whole world?
Caller: Well, I actually said USA. But close.
(fake laugh happens right here.)
Me: Too bad, world would be a little cooler.
(segue with uncomfortable laugh again)
Caller: I suppose you're right. But anyway, you'd be responsible for finding new clients, maintaining the current base,
and the day to day would just be delivering new uniforms and picking up the old ones.
Me: Nice. Like I'd pick up the used janitor uniforms?
Caller: Essentially yes, do you have access to a car?
Me: Occasionally. But sometimes my boyfriend disappears with it for weeks at a time.
But that's not a big deal. I could carry the big bags of dirty laundry with me on the train, right?
Or the bus even?
Caller: (hesitates) Mmm, I'm not sure. I'd have to check about that.
Me: No biggy, this job sounds great. Now do I get to hire the janitors too?
Caller: Um no, see we just provide them a service actually.
Me: Oh too bad, I know a lot of great folk looking for work right now.
Caller: Of course, can we talk about your background a bit more?
(he started to doubt me here I think.)
Like your last position, perhaps? Tell me more about what you did.
Me: Good question, what does my resume say I did,
I can't remember exactly what I put down?
and then he hung up on me.
Hopefully I get a second interview.
*disclaimer: I don't think I'm better than janitors.
I'm just better than their dirty laundry.
