In December it will officially be three years since I've been out of college.
Mind you I say "official" because I technically fake-graduated in May of 2009 to take a job
"I couldn't pass up."
definition of job I couldn't pass up: dressing up like the Iron Chef everyday to perform monkey like circus acts for high school brats.
My life is just one spur of the moment decision after the next.
But anyway, I got my diploma from Harvard in December of 2009.
Harvard, University of Nebraska, it's really one in the same, isn't it?
The only difference is Harvard girls strive to become doctors and lawyers while
Nebraska girls dream of becoming Nebraska Football players.
Or was that just me?
Here I am at my graduation.
(Decembers in Nebraska are very mild.)
Or what if I told you this photo actually took place about two years later when my mom said
"put on Jade's graduation stuff so I can get a photo"
because I didn't actually wear a cap or gown on my college graduation on account of the fact I chose to sleep in and instead had my diploma shipped to me...
Anyway, after some self reflection heres a few things I've managed to pick up on since that fateful day three years ago.
#1. If you're not pre-med,
"majors" mean nothing.
#2. If you had any fun in college at all,
you definitely have a drinking problem now (according to "society")
According to me though, you just have a good attitude.
#3. Remember those group projects in college you spent every Sunday night scurrying to put together?
COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME.
#4. Remember all of those exams you studied for in college?
COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME.
#5. Coworkers are like your mom's creepy brother.
You don't really like him, he's usually a dick, most of what he says is so pathetic it makes you uncomfortable,
but at the end of the day you have no choice but to accept his friend request on Facebook.
#6. That carefree feeling of "I have absolutely nothing to do today" will never return.
Like ever.
You will always have something that should be done from here on out.
#7. For whatever reason, douche bags often strive in the working world.
But don't worry, their doucheyness will come out.
It always does (usually at the company Christmas party.)
#8. Drinking alone is really quite nice.
(see #2.)
#9. Moving to a big city after college is quite enchanting.
And whatever you do, after you move you must keep up this illusion.
(For the record I am quite enchanted with my dear, Chicago. But it was pretty damn hard that first year.)
#10. If you're not engaged or married by now there's gotta be something up.
Your married friends will say "but really, what are you waiting for?"
and your single friends will say
"Why rush anything? You're so young still!"
#11. I will never again live in the same house, let alone the same state, as all of
my best friends ever again.
#12. On that note- making friends post college is damn near impossible.
Unless you work at Groupon. Which is basically just college-part II.
#13. Being tired all of the time is just a part of life now.
Wait until you have kids, rumor is it gets like 100x worse.
#14. You might as well just pretend to like Linkedin already.
It will make things a lot easier.
#15. Growing a beard might become the highlight of your November.
Just kidding, Chris. But you have talked about it a lot...
But I swear I like life post graduation. It's just kinda hard to compare to college life to it sometimes,
you know?
I guess it's like comparing apples to oranges soaked in Jungle Juice.
You know what I'm saying?
Exactly.
Mind you I say "official" because I technically fake-graduated in May of 2009 to take a job
"I couldn't pass up."
definition of job I couldn't pass up: dressing up like the Iron Chef everyday to perform monkey like circus acts for high school brats.
My life is just one spur of the moment decision after the next.
But anyway, I got my diploma from Harvard in December of 2009.
Harvard, University of Nebraska, it's really one in the same, isn't it?
The only difference is Harvard girls strive to become doctors and lawyers while
Nebraska girls dream of becoming Nebraska Football players.
Or was that just me?
(Decembers in Nebraska are very mild.)
Or what if I told you this photo actually took place about two years later when my mom said
"put on Jade's graduation stuff so I can get a photo"
because I didn't actually wear a cap or gown on my college graduation on account of the fact I chose to sleep in and instead had my diploma shipped to me...
Anyway, after some self reflection heres a few things I've managed to pick up on since that fateful day three years ago.
#1. If you're not pre-med,
"majors" mean nothing.
#2. If you had any fun in college at all,
you definitely have a drinking problem now (according to "society")
According to me though, you just have a good attitude.
#3. Remember those group projects in college you spent every Sunday night scurrying to put together?
COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME.
#4. Remember all of those exams you studied for in college?
COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME.
#5. Coworkers are like your mom's creepy brother.
You don't really like him, he's usually a dick, most of what he says is so pathetic it makes you uncomfortable,
but at the end of the day you have no choice but to accept his friend request on Facebook.
#6. That carefree feeling of "I have absolutely nothing to do today" will never return.
Like ever.
You will always have something that should be done from here on out.
#7. For whatever reason, douche bags often strive in the working world.
But don't worry, their doucheyness will come out.
It always does (usually at the company Christmas party.)
#8. Drinking alone is really quite nice.
(see #2.)
#9. Moving to a big city after college is quite enchanting.
And whatever you do, after you move you must keep up this illusion.
(For the record I am quite enchanted with my dear, Chicago. But it was pretty damn hard that first year.)
#10. If you're not engaged or married by now there's gotta be something up.
Your married friends will say "but really, what are you waiting for?"
and your single friends will say
"Why rush anything? You're so young still!"
#11. I will never again live in the same house, let alone the same state, as all of
my best friends ever again.
#12. On that note- making friends post college is damn near impossible.
Unless you work at Groupon. Which is basically just college-part II.
#13. Being tired all of the time is just a part of life now.
Wait until you have kids, rumor is it gets like 100x worse.
#14. You might as well just pretend to like Linkedin already.
It will make things a lot easier.
#15. Growing a beard might become the highlight of your November.
Just kidding, Chris. But you have talked about it a lot...
#16. There's just something about that town of Stinkin Lincoln
that will always put a sparkle in my eye.
Or maybe that's just called Goldschlager.
But I swear I like life post graduation. It's just kinda hard to compare to college life to it sometimes,
you know?
I guess it's like comparing apples to oranges soaked in Jungle Juice.
You know what I'm saying?
Exactly.
