Yesterday was a bad day at work.
Badddd.
I went from having thirty accounts to handle to one hundred and thirty in a matter of ten minutes.
Someone quit so now I get to clean up their dirty work.
In brief, I'm basically an outside sales rep who does make believe work
at make believe schools around the city of Chicago.
And as of yesterday, I get to go to Milwaukee now as well. Woof.
I was getting hounded with angry emails and phone calls all day.
So I did the only logical thing one can do when
in a state of having way too much to do,
in way too little amount of time-
I got in the bath at 3:00 in the afternoon with a pen and paper in hand,
and proceeded to write down what I was going to do with my lottery winnings.
Did I forget to mention I'm winning the lottery tonight?
Yeah, I'm pretty excited.
It's up to $320 million.
That's a lot of money, and I don't want to be caught off guard.
So I made a simple plan of what life shall entail post-lottery.
Here's just a tiny peak of what I came up with.
The full list is about eight pages long.
1. I'm going back to school (after I stop traveling)
I will get a Masters degree in English so I can one day be a professor.
Probably even a doctorate.
I'm not going to be a lazy millionaire, oh hells no.
2. I'm going to help a lot of people.
And probably even more animals...
Haven't decided how exactly, but if you've got some ideas send them my way.
I feel that when you have a large amount of money you have an obligation to help others,
and I intend to do so.
"Harlow Houses" will be built all over the country for animals who need love and care.
Oh, and I'm also going to punish the shit out of animal abusers with a special
(and very brutal)
task force I am going to employ.
I may have a tender heart for the abused, but I have an equally as vicious heart for abusers.
This will be the official face of "Harlow Houses."
3. The Norfolk Senior High will get a new gymnasium,
It will be called The Wolfe Den.
I will also put up a lot of funds to get good coaches for girls sports...
So no other girl will know the heartbreak I knew for never getting her basketball team to State...
I'm also going to help myself a bit...
4. I will purchase a modest brown stone here in Chicago.
A ski cabin in Colorado.
A log cabin in Michicagan.
A small cottage in Carmel, California (it will be my writing house)
And a larger home in Omaha, Nebraska where my six Vizslas can run around.
5. I also might buy a new car...
I know it's cliche, but I've always wanted a stupid White Range Rover.
6. I will also donate enough money so that one day I, Taylor Wolfe,
will get to experience the Tunnel Walk at Memorial Stadium.
The first home game of the year I'd like to lead the Cornhuskers out.
Oh, I get chills just thinking about it.
I might also ask to be in full uniform....
But anyway, those are the only big purchases.
My money manager, Chris, is going to watch our finances very closely.
And I'm also going to throw one helluva "I just won the lotto" party.
Bands performing will be: Mumford & Sons, Fun, Snoop and Britney Spears.
It will probably be held in Cabo or something. I haven't decided yet...
Like I said, I have a much longer and more detailed list.
It involves a few more investments, charity ideas, and travel plans.
But I took that list and I buried it in the ground.
I figured if Jennifer Garner can grow a kid in the ground why the hell
couldn't I grow a winning lottery ticket?
Except this is Chicago and I don't own land I can dig in,
so I did the next best thing and threw it in a sewer.
And now I sit and wait.
Wait for 10:30 p.m. tonight when I find out my life is forever changed.
I really think it's going to happen...
Badddd.
I went from having thirty accounts to handle to one hundred and thirty in a matter of ten minutes.
Someone quit so now I get to clean up their dirty work.
In brief, I'm basically an outside sales rep who does make believe work
at make believe schools around the city of Chicago.
And as of yesterday, I get to go to Milwaukee now as well. Woof.
I was getting hounded with angry emails and phone calls all day.
So I did the only logical thing one can do when
in a state of having way too much to do,
in way too little amount of time-
I got in the bath at 3:00 in the afternoon with a pen and paper in hand,
and proceeded to write down what I was going to do with my lottery winnings.
Did I forget to mention I'm winning the lottery tonight?
Yeah, I'm pretty excited.
It's up to $320 million.
That's a lot of money, and I don't want to be caught off guard.
So I made a simple plan of what life shall entail post-lottery.
Here's just a tiny peak of what I came up with.
The full list is about eight pages long.
1. I'm going back to school (after I stop traveling)
I will get a Masters degree in English so I can one day be a professor.
Probably even a doctorate.
I'm not going to be a lazy millionaire, oh hells no.
2. I'm going to help a lot of people.
And probably even more animals...
Haven't decided how exactly, but if you've got some ideas send them my way.
I feel that when you have a large amount of money you have an obligation to help others,
and I intend to do so.
"Harlow Houses" will be built all over the country for animals who need love and care.
Oh, and I'm also going to punish the shit out of animal abusers with a special
(and very brutal)
task force I am going to employ.
I may have a tender heart for the abused, but I have an equally as vicious heart for abusers.
3. The Norfolk Senior High will get a new gymnasium,
It will be called The Wolfe Den.
I will also put up a lot of funds to get good coaches for girls sports...
So no other girl will know the heartbreak I knew for never getting her basketball team to State...
I'm also going to help myself a bit...
4. I will purchase a modest brown stone here in Chicago.
A ski cabin in Colorado.
A log cabin in Michicagan.
A small cottage in Carmel, California (it will be my writing house)
And a larger home in Omaha, Nebraska where my six Vizslas can run around.
5. I also might buy a new car...
I know it's cliche, but I've always wanted a stupid White Range Rover.
6. I will also donate enough money so that one day I, Taylor Wolfe,
will get to experience the Tunnel Walk at Memorial Stadium.
The first home game of the year I'd like to lead the Cornhuskers out.
Oh, I get chills just thinking about it.
I might also ask to be in full uniform....
But anyway, those are the only big purchases.
My money manager, Chris, is going to watch our finances very closely.
And I'm also going to throw one helluva "I just won the lotto" party.
Bands performing will be: Mumford & Sons, Fun, Snoop and Britney Spears.
It will probably be held in Cabo or something. I haven't decided yet...
Like I said, I have a much longer and more detailed list.
It involves a few more investments, charity ideas, and travel plans.
But I took that list and I buried it in the ground.
I figured if Jennifer Garner can grow a kid in the ground why the hell
couldn't I grow a winning lottery ticket?
Except this is Chicago and I don't own land I can dig in,
so I did the next best thing and threw it in a sewer.
And now I sit and wait.
Wait for 10:30 p.m. tonight when I find out my life is forever changed.
I really think it's going to happen...
