LFM #14 Dear January

What's your problem, January? Seriously.

Why you gotta be such a negative ass month? You're officially over and yet I'm still feeling the burn of your wrath. You left me in debt, craving carbs, crusty, flaky, dark rooted, tight pant-ed, a DVR full of Gold Rush, and just overall pissed off. Are you just like one of those really insecure girls who likes to beat everyone else with the ugly stick to make yourself feel better? Because that's sick.

Anyone else feel miserable for no reason at all, or is it just me? It's a perfectly nice day here in Chicago and yet for some reason I still find myself walking around with a glum look on my face like I'm Rumor Willis. Do you, January, have a partnership with Prozac or something? Do you get Starbucks gift cards for each person you refer? Or do you just get jollies off of making other people feel shitty?

Well guess what? I've got an entire list of why I know February is going to be like ten times better than you. Care to see it? Great!

1. Groundhog Day is tomorrow- a day when we celebrate the fact Bill Murray might be one of the best actors ever.

2. Superbowl is Sunday- a day for woman and men to come together in excess and binge on crock pot food galore and bet money they don't have on how long the National Anthem will last and forcefully laugh at commercials that aren't funny (unless they involve talking babies or animals dressed as humans, gets me everytime!) An overall great day to forget that the next day is indeed Monday. And your diet is back to shit.

3. Valentines Day is next week- what a glorious occasion to tell your loved ones how much you love them. And a great day for single girls and boys alike to bitch on Facebook about how much they loathe this completely gay totally stupid ass day. GIRLS NIGHT! Wine, Pinterest, How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days and PinkBerry, yes please!

4. It's black history month all month long! Go NBA! Da Bulls!

5. Spring clothes are officially in the stores.

6. It's almost time for tax returns so we can have money to buy those spring clothes.

7. It's a short month. Right? Whoever decided to give February a different amount of days each year is probably the same asshole who put the R after the Feb.


8. Mardi Gras! I've never really celebrated this holiday, but I did enjoy the free pancakes at IHOP one year in honor of Fat Tuesday. Check it out, it's pretty legit. And read Kenz's blog for all the mardi gras deets: Read Me! as she's a local New Orleans native now. I've seen her post "ya'll" like 1,000 in the last week...

9. Ash Wednesday! This is my favorite time to go to church. I don't know, I just love hot ashes on my forehead. I'm not kidding. I LOVE it.

I'm running out of stuff here. I have to get to ten...

10. One month closer to summer. Please summer, get here. I miss you.