Bachelor Edition- A league of their own.

I don't know about you, but I felt tonight's episode was beyond predictable. Everything from Ben sending Elyse back to the shore to him sending Jennifer back to her trailer in Alabama. The only thing missing was his Cuban Pete number and his ice cream truck.

Nicki: Here was a shocker- who knew she had so much junk in the trunk. Perhaps that's why she chose the lovely silk table cloth to wear on her date. She's a fashion risk taker, I like that.

So flattering. A real "vacation-y" kind of couple.

Blakely: Resist the urge to cry right before you get your rose. You're 33. He's not going to choose you in the end anyway. I'm sorry. Go meet a man at a baseball game. Or a bar. Your best bet at this point is to head back to your "VIP" waitressing job.

Lindzi: I love ya girlfriend, but you gotta stop bathing in the bronzer. I was scared for everyone when the sweaty baseball game was going down. I thought you were going to pull a Jesus Christ and wipe your face on a towel only to have your actual reflection shine back.

Jamie: WHO ARE YOU?! Are you the surrogate who carried Blue Ivy? Are you Zanny the Nanny? Did you kidnap that baby from KC? Are you Sandusky victim #14? I don't get it. Let go of your secret identity already.

Casey S: How your around I have no idea. You remind me a lot of that Bachelor Vienna when she chose that dumb girl Jake. Sorry you have to go home next week.

Kacie: Poor Kacie. Did you learn nothing from Monica Gellar? Get that shit taken care of. This isn't 1998.

Rachel- Girllllll you looking rough. Lay off the cigs and lay on the eye cream.

Courtney: Courtney's formula for talking sexy- lisp+like+baby talk+lisp+like+baby talk+ like= bit lip. Repeat as necessary until you can fully whore it out by letting a dorky guy live out his dreams, because after all "it's not every day a guy gets to skinny dip with a model." Gross. Have you not looked on Fb? Everyone is a model now.