Time has actually stopped.

Dear Diary,

I am scared time has stopped moving today. I started noticing that it was slowing down around about 10:30 a.m. this morning, but I told myself to think nothing of it. So I continued on with my cold calling and reading every article on msnbc.com that caught my eye, which was like only one as usual (the special on haunted house across the U.S.) Less worldy news, more celeb gossip please. When I finished it was only 10:32 a.m. That was my first indicator something was up. The next thing I knew the radio started playing the same two songs over and over and over. My day was turning into a blur of Adele and Oh, this has gotta be the good life, gotta be the good life. Maybe it's because I'm on the edge of glory, but this life is not feeling so good right now. And if I hear that bitch sing about dying young  one more time I am just going to do it for her. Get over it, no one likes a fake suicide.

From the moment I got back from my sushi lunch around 12:30ish the clock has not moved. Not at all.
I just keep staring at it, daring it to get closer to 5:00 p.m. But it refuses. What's going on here? How much more shit does a girl have to endure to get to the weekend? I'm starting to go ape shit crazy twiddling my thumbs and tapping my feet at my tiny confining desk. I can only draw so many hearts and stars and three dimensional boxes before I start to go a little loco. 

Am I the only one going absolutely delirious trapped at work on a Friday afternoon right now? Does everybody else really have as cool of jobs/lives as their Facebook and Linkedin pages portray?  Because if that's the case I'm screwed.  I'm seeing a lot of "shopping!" and "lunch date with sissy!" and "getting my car washed!" updates that are making me pretty jeal. Maybe I just need to spruce up my status updates to share every mundane thing I'm doing that is actually pretty status worthy. "Sending out mass emails with my company brochure attached, holla!" "Heading to the bathroom to hide out for a few moments, :) winks, stars and farts."  "Picking my hang nails, hells to the yeah!"

There's a bottle of Baileys sitting in our break room by the coffee machine that keeps taunting me every time I go in to get more water and gaze out the window. Why is it there if not meant to be drank? Should I ask someone, or would that make me look like an alcy? Maybe it's a trick. I'd hate to get in trouble for drinking the company alcohol. That would really be a new low.

I might be at a new low. I'm starting to pace this back office like a Lion in a zoo. Some animals just aren't meant to be caged I think. Like Sarah Jessica Parker and myself. Or was she a horse that needed to run free? I'll have to check the Facebook quote page of every single girl aged 22-36 to confirm that one. Whatever. I'm just ready for my breakout moment is all. Why does every YouTube star keep beating me to it? The Eharmony cat girl, the tutu girls from Ellen, sneezing baby panda, two girls one... coat... What were you thinking,  perv? One of these days, I'll figure it out.

TGI where the F are you 5:00? I'm in no mood to play around today. You're gonna owe me a strong drink when you finally get here.  Life is so unfair.

Xoxo
Amanda Knox.

@workingirlrants