"When I'm 25 I will..." a middle school assignment from 1999

I recently uncovered this little gem, and boy am I glad I did. I can’t think of a better time in life to make a goal list than in middle school. The year in life when we are probably the most arrogant, naive, asshole forms of ourselves we will ever be. Great idea, Ms. Voss-Ward, great idea. Let’s see what my overly optimistic twelve year old-self had envisioned…

1. Compete in marathons. – I ran a 5K a couple of years ago, does that count? And marathons are overrated, I heard they make people who aren’t even pregnant go into labor.

2. Have a really cool job that I love where I get to travel and be my own boss. –a little more direction would be nice, dip shit. What will I be doing at this “really cool job?” Let me guess, writing notes all day that are covered in Lisa Frank stickers and then folding them up into really tight little triangle shapes.

3. Live in California or New York. – ridiculous. Folding notes would never pay enough to live in either of these citites.

4. Live in a cool house that I own. – makes statement 3 even more ridiculous. Or are you trying to tell me your predicted the low rate homes would be selling at in 2011? You have no concept for money, none. I can barely pay my rent every month, ease off.

5. Go on vacations to Africa and London. – This is a little broad. So you want to go to a city in England, and then visit the entire continent of Africa?

6. Play basketball every day. – yes, well, this one will go out the window right after high school after your heart was broken you never made it to state.

7. Be married and maybe have one kid. – let’s work on getting a boyfriend first, little one. You’re going to go through a pretty intense ugly stage in about six months. And the fact you play basketball everyday doesn’t help any.

8. Do a triathlon- what’s with all the not-so subtle workout hints?

9. Have one dog and one cat.- Starting to get a little more realistic, I like this. I must be getting tired from all of my traveling and exercising.

10. Have a lot money so I can buy whatever I want. –I’m sure what I had in mind was being able to buy unlimited packs of gum because in middle school gum was currency.

I’m glad the list stopped at ten. I’d hate to see what other demands that little dictator had in store for me…Maybe I do need to get my life in check. Especially if I plan to get to Africa in the next six months.