The Difference between Boys and Girls.

From time to time, Chris and I get into "discussions" regarding my infinite knowledge for celebrities (A list-D list, maybe even a few E listers like Rumor-big chin-Willis or Miley's new Asian impregnated sister-in-law from the Suite Life) and their mundane activities. Or for my incredible skill to recognize people in public I only actually know on Facebook and yet know exactly where they had dinner last night and the funny thing that happened on the car ride home. Chris thinks it's weird, I think it's talent.

I only google images of "Kim Kardashian looking fat" or Taylor Swift "looks like a chipmunk" because I care. I'm just looking out for their well being. Is Jessica Simpson fat or just really fat? Is LeAnn Rimes really super skinny or is she being shown in too many photos next to Jessica Simpson?  And when I talk about Blake and Ryan and why they're not probably not right for each other and should just quit while they're ahead, or refer to Kristen Cavalleri like I know her (which I basically do because my coworker saw her walking around her neighborhood last weekend so we're practically besties now) again, it's because I care. And yes, I'm still convinced Emma Stone and I would really hit it off. To clarify, it's not because I'm "obsessed" as some (Chris) might think. I creep on celebs for the same reason I creep on random weirdos that pop up on my screen under the "you might know" section that I went to high school to. It's just because I do. Go ahead and be a snotty asshole and think, "oh she just creeps because she's bored with her own life," or the standard "she's just jealous." But to that I challenge you to check out some of the gap toothed hillbillys I stumble upon sometimes and then tell me I'm jealous. Bored? Perhaps. Jealous? Sure, but only in a Winter's Bone/Deliverance kind of way.    

I know Chris's ears might bleed every now and again when he happens to catch my friends and I on a particularly high gossip day (fat celeb sighting at the beach, new FbGirl updates about Halloween costumes) but to that I say let the first person who hasn't had a pointless conversation throw the first stone. Point in case: boys talking about football. I've always known that when Chris talks about football, or just sports in general, about 99% of the convo is hypothetical. But I just realized that Chris and his friends talking about football is usually ten times more   imaginary and useless than my friends and I talking about celeb gossip. Boys talk about not only what just happened in a game, but what should have happened, what could have happened, what might have happened, what didn't happen, and what will probably happen next week. They offer each other faux coaching advice, solve problems that haven't even occurred yet, and strategize various  plays that could help. Their convos become so in-depth and full of emotion that I really start to question whether they realize or not that no one is actually taking their advice into consideration... Or are they?

"What we need to do is stop running the option and pull Crick to the front and leave Martinez in the back and do the loop around to Cassidy to run an interception and the old Statue of Liberty for the safety. That's all we have to do."

In case you were curious those aren't necessarily Chris's exact words, I might just be using a mix of the only football terms/players I'm familiar with. But I can't imagine his conversation is all that different. And it doesn't stop with just football games. Dare I even step foot into the positives/negatives of the Big 10 and Big 12? Because this area alone is cause for a lot of talk. You know what the Big 12 should have done? Well I'll tell you. They should have kicked Texas out now that TCU is in. And what happens after that I'm not sure because then my beer came and I got distracted. But it was definitely a lengthy convo that followed.

Bottom-line is this, we all talk about stupid pretend shit that has little to nothing to do with us. And it's not because our own lives are that awful. It's because they're that awesome. You think people in the middle east are over there shooting the shit over a couple of beers about what they saw on their minifeed or who won the donkey race last night? It's doubtful. They're trying not to die.

And today, on another Monday, I'm trying to do the same thing. Just not die. It's not looking so good right now. I might have to snort an extra line of Splenda to get through this one. Wish me luck.