Monday. Ugh.

Today is the last Monday of January. So why my spirits are so low, I’m not quite sure. Could have something to do with the diabetic crash I’m having on account of the large bag of Peachie-Os I ate, or maybe it was because Harlow slept on my head, snoring loudly into my face all night. Whatever the reason, I woke up with a shit cloud hovering overhead and haven’t been able to shake it. Not sure what my deal is. There’s just something about Mondays that make me feel as if I’m doomed for a lifetime of mediocrity. My thoughts can get pretty dramatic when I choose to sit in a pool of my own pity all day long.

Fo reals.

Speaking of pity... Rumor is Mark Zuckerberg is making the Facebook timeline mandatory in less than two weeks! That means for everyone else like myself resistant to online change, our old profiles are going to be getting the boot any day now! Perhaps that’s why I’m in such a shitty mood. I get anxiety just thinking about it. Why didn’t the Mayans predict this? Or maybe they did… What if all of the Mayan hoopla was just about the final change of Facebook? Wouldn’t that be something if we were all just reading it wrong this entire time.

At least the Bachelor is on tonight. Maybe that’s why God chose to play the Bachelor on Monday’s, because He wanted to make the rest of us at least feel better about the fact we’re not a bunch of bat shit crazy woman all going after the same unattractive man with scraggly hair and beady little eyes. Then again, maybe not. I doubt God watches the Bachelor. He strikes me as more of a Man vs Wild kind of guy. Or Pawn Stars.

Can we stop pretending he's not cross-eyed already?