Part II- it's too much.

It's amazing to me what a novelty outside can be. Just a day ago I had the option of going outdoors right at my finger tips and yet today it feels so far away. I can't help but wonder if I took enough advantage of it. Luckily, I got a pretty sweet desk right next to a window. I've found myself staring out this window quite a bit today, not looking at anything in particular, just staring. A window is such a treasured spot in a work place I think, I'm not sure why it's so entertaining but it is. I like to watch the cars drive by and wonder where they're going. Who is in the car? Where do they work? Are they looking up at my office wondering about me? Probably not, they're outside. Free.

My first day has gone... Well it's gone. It hasn't been bad, really. A little bit tedious for sure. Sometimes I notice after someone talks at me for so long I just completely stop paying attention and suddenly I have no idea how long I haven't been listening for. My eyes start to blur,
I can't focus and I'm thinking about something bizarre like the first time I heard an Eminem song, and where is he these days, oh that's right he's performing in Kansas this weekend and remember when I used to live there and ugh Topeka! Those damn Westboros. Boom! I'm so far off thought I feel like I blackedout for a moment.  It's weird. I need a window to calm myself down again. But like I said, it's not that bad here. The whole staff is young and nice, and there is a basketball hoop hanging on the back of the door to the kitchen, what could be bad about that? For lunch I sat in the kitchen with the other coworkers and chatted while trying to take bites between questions so I didn't  have to answer while awkwardly trying to cover my mouth. After lunch I was sent in a room to watch training videos. This was probably the worst part of the day, I could have been distracted by a fly on the ledge of the building next to me, and I was. Note to trainers: never play training videos. It will take your new employee from thinking their new job isn't so bad to making them want to smash their heads into the TV that is preaching about clients, candidate pools and market mastery. It's just too much, I can't handle it. The only thing I'll probably retain from today anyway is the window I sit by and the small joys it gives me. 

Everything will get better when I get released to work on my own, I just know it. But right now I can't help but feel like Andy Dufresne trapped in Shawshank dreaming about the outside. Or maybe I'm actually in the shit tunnel right now and I just don't realize it. I have to survive just a few more piles of shit before I break through to what I really want, thats semi uplifting. But at least Andy had Morgan Freeman to get him through his days.

I'm just trying hard not to let myself think about people today like Snooki,  the Kardashian transvestite whores or  Lauren Conrad. Those bastards who don't have to watch training videos and haven't done a damn thing in life besides sell their souls to MTV, E! and Bravo. Because once you start thinking about them it's all over, there's no chance in keeping your spirits up. You just can't keep up with them Kardashians. Ok, I just accidentally let myself "go there." Now I'm all upset. I think it's time I discover the vending machine, it's the small victories that will get me through these days. I think I'm depressed now. Being a working girl isn't nearly as fun as Melanie Griffith acted like it was.