Dear Real World,

So as we all know the past few weeks of my professional life have been very stressful, to say the least. While I am thankful I have my 30 Day Challenge to rejuvenate me and give me a new lease of on life, I still can't help but be frustrated that I was driven to this point. It's this whole living in the "real world" thing that's really got me irritated. I don't like it, and I don't want to be a part of it anymore, so I've decided to do something about it. I'm going to do what I do best, and that's write a complaint letter.



Dear "Real World,"



You're a bitch. And not a fun bitch like in the way high school girls or queer men say it to each other, but just a straight up bitch. Your cousin, College, is like ten times cooler than you. Even on College's worst day, like when it's super hung over, can't get out of it's dirty frat bed, and has left it's debit card at the Bar so it has to charge everything on it's N Card, you still don't hold a candle to it. You, Real World, don't even hold a lighter, not even a yellow lighter. Where do I even begin with why you just suck so much? Just the fact that you insist on starting everyday so damn early. 7:00 a.m.? 8:00 a.m.? Is there really a need for this? Sometimes I just don't want to get up, College never cared about this. But not you, you're just a real asshole like that. What's it matter if I don't want to show up and instead choose to lay in bed all day and then do all of my work from the hours of 6 p.m. - 3 a.m., if the work gets done, the work gets done. Nope, doesn't fly with old uncle Real World. Not only do you insist I show up at the hours you place, but you're gonna make me dress up like a miniature, miserable 40 year old to do so. When I was with College, I dressed however I preferred. Yeah, sometimes I would look nice, just because I respected College and wanted to show him I cared, but a lot of the times I rolled up in sweats and a North Face- the official sponsor of College. He never minded, didn't insist I wear close toed heels or panty hose like a 1950's hooker. Sometimes I can't help but think that you're a sexist small minded douche, RR. But that's just my opinion what do I know? According to you, not a whole lot.



You know what else pisses me off? Your judgement. So what if I come to see you with bloodshot eyes, fire breath and last night's makeup? It's you who forced me to that point. College used to think that kind of behavior was cute, would let me ease into the next day by laying on the couch for hours on end watching the one channel that happened to be on the TV when it was initially turned on because most times I was too hung over to even change the channel. That's just how College was, understanding, compassionate and accepting of all flaws. Not very good looking? College doesn't care, take a few more shots, then check back. Not very smart? Nbd, test files for all! Don't have a lot of money? We'll figure something out, sell your books, sell your prescriptions, sell yourself in a medical study, steal from your frat's entertainment fund. You know who you are... Bottom line: College was a problem solver. The kind of guy who saw the pitcher half full.



Real World, If I had a dollar for every time I didn't feel good enough or up to par for you, I'd have enough money to hire the hit man I want to kill you. I know that's intense, but you're pretty damn intense. So back off, stay out of my Facebook, stay off of my blog, don't worry about my credit history, don't take a hair sample, don't call a reference, and don't ask for transcripts. Because college will lie for me. Back the fuck off. Yeah, Real World, I just said F! Deal with it. College always did. You don't see too many people walking around with the signature black T shirt that says "REAL WORLD" in white block letters, do you? No, John Belushi wouldn't have worn that if you paid him with an eight ball of the narcotics of his choice. It's because no one likes you.



I think I've said enough. I know this whole thing has been kind of weird, but that's how I'm feeling right now, kind of weird. You seem to have that affect on people. Cheers to hoping you don't cause another honest, hard working person to jump off a bridge today.



Happy Friday!



XOXO

Tommy Frazier



(because we all know how the Real World has treated him. Jk, #15 love forever)