Keeping up with the Phelps

Somewhere today in the midst of my back and forth email fight with Shirley Phelps (thee daughter of Fred Phelps)I couldn't help but think to myself how funny life is and the unpredictable turns it takes us on. I don't think I would have ever guessed in a million years that I would have found myself in an email argument thread with Mrs. Phelps, but there I was. Then again, it's not something I would put past me. Put me in a town with a powerful cult and I'm gonna do one of two things- 1. Join it or 2. Bring in down. Since this cult doesn't have the lure of delicious Kool-aid with it I think we all know my choice.

This whole debacle began earlier today on Twitter when I contacted Megan Phelps. So I'm right in the middle of tweeting back and forth with the heiress of the Westboro Church when all of the sudden my doorbell rang. This might not sound that strange, but when you know no one in your town, it's strange. I had just asked Megan if she would be willing to meet with me to answer a few of my questions about her church, so when not a minute later I heard my doorbell ring I mini freaked out. I know it seems far fetched, but I thought for a second it was Westboro at my door, it wouldn't be the strangest thing they've ever done. I was thinking, oh shit I'm obviously in way over my head with this if they've already somehow tracked where I live. Turns out it was just the air conditioning guy, or so he said? But anyway, Megan gave me the email address for the church's PIO, do you know what that means? I didn't either. After I googled "PIO" I found out it means Press and Information Office. Tell me again these people aren't fame whores. But the PIO turns out to be Shirley, Megan's "madre." These are Megan's words not mine, which I found to be kind of surprising, I thought it was only nice people who used fun Spanish words sprinkled through out their English. The other thing that caught my eye was Megan's use of emoticons. Everything was :) this and ;) that and a little :0, it was quite unexpected. How could someone who uses emoticons so frequently also be someone who brings hate signs to funerals? Seems so contradictory.

Anywho, I contacted Shirls. She wrote me back saying I could "email" my questions and they would respond accordingly. Yeah right, this aint my first cult interview. So I wrote back and told her I would like to meet face to face. Turns out Shirls doesn't like getting it thrown back in face. Yup, the little church who loves to talk shit gets pretty pissed when someone throws shit at them. And I mean this in a literal sense, as well. I read a couple of weeks ago that a brother to a fallen solider made a shit throwing gun to heave actual poop logs at Westboro when they came to protest his brother's funeral. Read that story and tell me God doesn't love Amurika. Back to subject though, Shirly wrote me back a not so kind message. What's that? You'd like to see an excerpt of it? Oh alright, just a little though.

"We are about the business of publishing the Word of God to a nation that is facing imminent destruction! We try to avoid turning aside to left or right for nonsense! If I thought you have some good motive, that’s one thing! Your email looks like scores before. If you are indeed in Topeka, WHY would you not just come to a picket and talk to people or come to church?"

That's just a little sneak peak, because no one wants to buy the Baptist if you give away the hate for free. What does one respond to that? Again, I'll show you just a tiny bit,

"I realize your purpose is to publish the word of God, all that I am trying to do is to simply meet and talk to a member of your church to hear this word for myself..."

And a few more blah, blah, blahs. So who comes out the victor? Let's just say this, I now have a personal invite from Shirls herself to attend service at Westboro on Sunday at noon,complete with a :) and everything. I kid you not. Am I proud of this? No. Gross. Well maybe a little, but for all the wrong reasons I promise. And no I'm not about to go! That place gives me the jeebies just thinking about it. But I do feel good about the progress I made today. Only more to come.

I'd just like to say a big thanks to all who purchased Facebook Girl, I really appreciate it. Now let's just hope Shirley doesn't get wind of this somehow, then I really think the interview would be off.