And On the Seventh Day God Turned Water into Mimosas

Yes, it's true. I am officially a God Parent. And I am happy to report that everything went off without a hitch yesterday- for the most part. It got started a little err crappy when Knox pooped his pants during the service. But c'mon, I'd pry shit myself too if I knew an old man who is sworn to celibacy is about to pour water all over me while I'm dressed in a delicate white dress. But Jade took the shit out like a trooper and within no time he was ready to go. So when it was time to go to the front of the church Jordan and I followed Jade, Bill and Knox up. Jade insisted the God parents were supposed to stand in front holding the baby, because I mean this was supposed to be about the godparents and the godbaby right? The parents have already had their moment as far as God's concerned. So Jordan and I stood up like the proud godparents we were holding little Knox. But then the priest was giving us both kind of a funny look, I can only assume he knew me and Jordan were brother and sister and was entirely grossed out we had a child together and even more so were choosing to celebrate it in a religious ceremony. I eventually caught on and basically threw Knox at Jade and said we had it switched around.

After the incest debacle was solved and all of the promises to show Knox a healthy religious life were promised it was time for the holy water. But before the babies were drenched with water the priest dabbed a bit of oil on their tiny baby chests... At which point I started to wonder if the priest was giving baptisms or hot oil massages? I mean I know I joke about pedophilia... But oil? Really? Who am I to judge. A Catholic! That's who, need I say more?

Anyway, the first two kids in front of Knox screamed like the priest was pouring the fire of the devil on their foreheads. It was awful. I could see the fear in Knox's eyes, but there was no turning back as Jade dipped him back and the priest began to pour. And believe it or not Knox held it together and took the holy spirit upon his face like a real man (in a frilly white dress.) Why do I have a feeling that line has been used elsewhere in a completely different context...

And luckily for us, God turned water into Mimosas and Bloodys so we could celebrate after. It was a very nice Sunday, reminded me a lot of my baptism actually. Later in the day, when the celebrating was over and Knox was passed out from too many shots of breast milk Chris and I made the eight hour trek back to Peker and were home in time for service at Westboro. Yeah right! I did however, find the Westboro clan on Twitter!!! I spent a better part of my night reading all of their God hating tweets back and forth. If you are interested I suggest you search Megan Phelps, she is the granddaughter of Satan himself. So apparently, God does indeed hate Gaga, but Twitter is A O.K. with him. Good stuff to know. Maybe I could get Megan to follow this site. Man, what I wouldn't give to show up on the God Hate list, that's publicity you just can't buy these days.