Girl Walks Into a Bar.

For as much as I love Fridays, I loathe Mondays just as equally. I'm not claiming to be alone in this boat, I know we all hate Mondays. I just especially hate them. I hate them even more when I wake up and it's the last week of March but it looks more like the dead of January outside. It's so much easier to wake up to birds chirping and green grass and blue skys, especially when I have to leave the house at 6 a.m. Yup, today's been a doozy. I'm giving six presentations, which is like suicide, even more so on a Monday. I've almost let my knife slip and cut my finger off at least five times today. It's so tempting.

So the past few weeks I've been making an extra effort to see the good in Topeker. I really have. I enjoy the new neighborhood I walk Harlow in, and I like... The dog park close by... And I know there was something else I liked I just can't think of it right now. But I've decided Peker just doesn't like me. Here I am trying to be nice and then last weekend she goes and pulls a real nasty stunt on me, really hits me below the glitter belt if you know what I mean. So after the KU game on Friday Chris and I invited our city friends (Alan and Sara) to come hang out in Peker. We had every intention of showing them the town. In the beginning everything was going great. We were hanging at a real cool place called Jeremiah Bullfrogs, original name I know. And let me tell ya, the crowd was young, probably the most young people Chris and I had ever seen in Peker, granted the "young people" seemed to have gotten dressed in 1998, but it didn't matter. I've always been a secret fan of light frayed denim with pointy toed heels, I feel like it says "hey, I'm here for a good time, but I also like to wear my work shoes out at night." But anyway, we were all feeling good, we're taking shots in our own little corner, telling stories, just having a nice time. And in this bar Sara and I felt like beauty queens, and not just because of our stylish clothes (like dark denim and shirts that don't involve wearing a lace undershirt hanging out underneath it) but because we probably were the best looking people in there. If you think I'm being conceited I invite you to this bar, check it out for yourself and you too will walk away forgetting all insecurities. It must have been a K State reunion or something.

Somewhere in the night we lost Alan, but if you know Alan Flynn this really shouldn't be a surprise to you. We found him in the dance room, and if you know Alan Flynn this really shouldn't be a surprise to you. Yes, this bar had it's own dance floor. Think the back bar at the Rail meets the Boom Boom Room at the Hawk with the guys from Swam People occupying the dance floor. What the hell, dancing sounded like fun so Chris, Sara and I jumped in. We weren't on the floor for more than two minutes when I saw this little sawed off ginger blatantly shove into Chris.

Ginger: "Hey, you pushed me."

Chris keeps dancing, he has no idea. I however, see exactly what's going on. Ginger nudges Chris again.

Ginger: " I said, why did you push me asshole?"

Now Chris turns around, completely unaffected and yet completely polite.

Chris: "No I didn't, sorry though. Musta been a mistake."

But this little douche was obviously looking for trouble, I mean he clearly just pushed Chris because Chris stood out in this bar like a golf fan would at a Nascar race. Chris remained completely cool even as the little SOB continued to get in his face, just begging for a fight. Chris isn't an idiot. Getting into a bar fight would not reflect the best upon his job. But I figured it didn't mean shit for my job so when Chris walked away I thought it be best I give that little guy a piece of my mind.

"Hey you, you little douche bag. You know my boyfriend never pushed you, but I wish I would have. But I have a personal rule not to pick on red haired, white trash who look like a 12 year old version of Seth Green with a gimp."


Or something along those line. Very mature, I know. So now I was just as bad as he was. It's not like I have a temper when I drink, just an appetite usually. But for some reason this little squirrel monkey just really got to me. Lucky for me, this guy wasn't trashy enough to hit me. But that would have shut me up for sure, instead he just ran his mouth off as I continued to hit him back with the most ridiculous comebacks ever. Things I thought were brilliant, but I'm sure were just as stupid as his were. Our night ended earlier than it should have to ensure a fight wouldn't break out, most likely between me and anyone I felt was looking at me wrong. Once I started to get just a tad fiesty it only increased and I was suddenly ready to run my mouth off to anyone... I guess you could say the Topeker in me came out. Yes, I said it, and I'm not proud of it but that could be the only explanation.

I just really hate that rude, small town mentality. Small town girls get snatchy when someone new comes to their territory, and small town guys do the exact same thing. The second they sense an outsider their protective instincts kick into the place and they're suddenly ready to picks fights and throw snotty looks. It's pathetic. But uh, other than that it was a really great weekend. And now I'm really hoping this week goes by fast because this weekend I have the pleasure of attending Knox's Baptism! How very exciting, I was thrilled to hear he has been accepted into the Catholic heaven, and at such a young age. It's a real honor, we catholics only accept the best of the best. I'm really keeping my fingers crossed that the Baptism goes well and Knox makes a good impression on the priest so he could have the chance to be invited to join the secret society of altar boys. They keep accepting boys younger and younger these days, priests say it has something to do with getting the boys when they are nice and fresh, at a very impressionable age I suppose. That's Catholicism for ya, always thinking about the children.