Teen Mom: Self Tanner Edish

Holy orange Miss Maci. Is it me, or is your skin getting oranger'r and your hair getting redder? Did you sneak away from the Wonka tour again and munch on fruit you shouldn't have? I'm scared that by the end of the season someone is going to have to roll you off to be squeezed for some grade A orange juice. What's going on with the shiney, btw? A simple Neutrogena cloth will take that right away. And tell me this break up with Kyle isn't permanent. I don't think my heart can handle another break, not to mention this is all very confusing for Mercedes. You and Kyle can work things out, I just know it.

Amber, Amber, Amber. I'd just like to wash my hands of you. Why can't Gary quit you? He is just ten times better than you will ever be, skinny or fat. He's so sweet to send flowers, even if the card spelled recently "reasently." It adds personality. And how do you respond? "Gary, I'm dating." Ohhh good for you. Your new guy is a little more up your alley, anyway. What did he say, the best day of his life was three days ago when he saw you walk out of Chic-Fil-A? It was refreshing to not see you freak the F out tonight and start hitting people. Although I have a good feeling this new man of your's will be more than willing to hit back. I can't wait to watch your spin off series "Beaten Teen Mom." Hopefully, you keep up with your Taebo classes.

Farrah, I am probably going to regret saying this, but I can honestly say I feel you have matured since last episode. I think that paternity test took a large load off your chest- could that be a gross pun? Too much. But I bet that must have been stressful always wondering if Sophia truly belonged to Derek. It's good to stop the wondering. Clearly this has improved upon your relationship with Mother Deborah, as well. And Farrah, you're probably going to hate me for saying this, but you do the exact same baby talk as your mom does. The same high pitched squeal of a talk. You two are going to be best friends before you know it.

And last but not least, my all time fav couple Tatelynn. The Brangelina of dirty little teens everywhere. I would like your address so I can start sending you two some fan mail. And start sending your mother some hate mail. Then again, that was pretty selfish of 16 yr old Catelynn to just rudely give up her baby and not even ask her 35 year old meth head mother for permission. I would be mad too. It was a pretty immature move of Tyler and Catelynn, what sixteen year old couple can't handle a child honestly? It was like they gave up before even giving Welfare a chance. What was it Catelynn's mom said, "don't judge me as a mom when you couldn't even handle being one." Talk about hitting the nail on the head. That's advice any good mom would give to their teen after giving up their child for adoption. If I had a dollar for every time my mom begged me to have a child in high school I would probably be able to afford a pretty schnazzy heart decorated Coach bag by now.
But that's neither here nor there. I've got a real soft spot in my heart for those two, and maybe even a little spot for Butch, as well- he means no harm. Methy mother just needs a quick run in with Amber to set her straight. I will be on pins and needles until next week awaiting the reunion with Carly, I'm sure the scrapbook will be a hit!!!!