Teen Mom - Jokes On Abstinence edish

Wow. Another emmy worthy episode on MTV's behalf. I cried, I laughed, I swore (at Amber and Chris) and I was on pins and needles more than one time ( but mostly when Carly unwrapped the scrapbook.) This was an emotional roller coaster of an episode.

Should we jump right in and start with the little miracle that is sponge bob square head? I mean Carly. Ohhh, man. This reunion couldn't have gone better if it was set up... I mean, it was perfect, it was exactly how I would want my reunion to go had I been a teen mom in Detroit who paints my eye shadow like rainbows that had given up my child. Theresa and Brandon are real angels. I can just picture the church group they attend five times a week, I bet they regularly pray for Catelynn and Tyler, which is what they need. I got a little choked up when Catelynn kissed Theresa on the cheek, not only because it was sweet but also because I know that when April catches wind of it she is going to beat the shit out of Catelynn. Luckily, Catelynn has Tyler to fall back on. He is a GodSend if I've ever seen one. I love how when he gets excited he loses his appetite so he has to give his food to Catelynn to eat. This couple is mature beyond their years, I'm talking on the level of like a 19 or 20 year old couple. When he told Catelynn he knew she was "the one" right after she had delivered Carly and he looked into her blood shot eyes and vomit stained mouth and thought she was the most beautiful woman ever I nearly lost it. I just hope Theresa and Brandon don't run off and join a religious occult with Carly because I would like to see many more happy reunions in the future. Perhaps without that creepy scrunch face the baby makes.

And Farrah's cry face needs to stop. It's very unbecoming on her. And correct me if I'm wrong, but since when do people from Council Bluffs have "stylists" other than L'Oreal? And Tino, as in Salon Tino? He must be struggling right now, I didn't see another person in his salon besides his gay son and Farrah and her mother. And I knew I would regret saying Farrah was maturing because obviously she hasn't. Here Deborah is being kind enough to let her live in one of the few houses in C-Tucky that doesn't have paint chipping or window glass missing and she still finds something to bitch about. If her daughter wasn't so damn cute I would probably fast forward through her. And I'd like to know what "culinary school" Farrah attends anyway. Because I know a thing or two about culinary schools, and the only thing close to a culinary school in Omaha or C-Tucky is the option of taking a few cooking classes at a JuCo. So this, my friend, is a lie. Throwing frozen noodles into a pot does not a chef make.

The orange disease is spreading. Amber seems to have caught it, as well. I'm wondering if it's a new STD on the market amongst young people? If it is, Chris definitely has it. I mean Amber's "Chris" by the way. Chris is a real keeper, I definitely judged him too quick. Amber needs to grab a hold and not let go. Having a job and money is so overrated anyway. He wants to marry her. That's all that matters- as long as he can borrow the car. And good call on introducing Leah to him right away. I've always heard it's best to bring in as many random men into a young girl's life as early as possible to ensure she is comfortable around strange men as she grows up. Makes little girls more sociable and willing to please- traits so hard to find in women these days.

I know I shouldn't... but Ryan is too too cute. His smile just melts my teenage hurt. I wish Maci would just give in and go back to him, for BMW's sake at the very least. I think if Maci stopped being so needy, and maybe if Ryan was just a little nicer, this couple could really work. Although I still feel like the break with Kyle was incredibly sudden. I haven't even seen Maci shed a tear. Pour thing is probably bottling them up in that little orange body of hers, too scared to release the tears in fear the high acidity level/vitamin C in them will attract bugs. I'll tell ya one thing, Maci's mom looks like she makes a mean meat loaf. It's all I can think about right now. Maci needs to eat the whole pan of it to put a little meat on her bones. What do I know though, Maci is a strong girl. It just seems like nothing ever seems to go her way. I just wish for once she could figure out a way to get money doing absolutely nothing. Like a way for someone to pay her just to live her life the way she already is... As in...yes. Her current life.

Numerous magazine covers later, a hit show on TV, and paychecks for doing nothing... Well teen moms, looks like you're doing better than a lot of the teen moms I knew. All thirteen of them from the NHS class of 2005 don't seem to be doing too hot, according to their Facebook pages at least. You've proved once and for all the joke is on us. On all of us fools who made it out of high school without a child (aka your meal ticket.) So cheers to beating the odds- I shall buy you all a drink in four years.