Date Night.

What fun St. Louis is. My constant trips to Lincoln have transitioned into trips to St. Louis since Chris's relocation last week. Last night we began with drinks at Chris's new apt, then hit up a very "dark bar" (everything I imagined a St. Louie bar would be) switched to a gay bowling alley where an older man stuffed a $20 bill down Chris's shirt and asked him to come to his shirtless party (Chris was incredibly offended by the man's sexual forwardness so we quickly left) and ended the night at a casino where we all won enough to pay for a nice 5 a.m. breakfast. Needless to say, today/tonight we felt very lazy so we spent the day eating. After going to Shutter Island (don't go to unless you feel like taking up a prescription for Prozac immediately after) we could not think of anything better to than to hit up a late night "snack" at the Melting Pot.
Given the fact it was about 9:30 p.m. the restaurant was pretty empty. One of the only other customers in the place were seated right next to us- Shannon and Darryl. Let me paint you a picture of this wonderful couple. Shannon appears to be in her lower thirties, Vienna style blonde hair, a very classy Ed Hardy be-jeweled sweater, and boots with fur that lace to her knees- a real cute gal. Darryl, is 50ish I think, dressed in light denim jeans and a sky blue striped shirt, I'm assuming purchased at Big & Tall. Did I mention Darryl had to literally pick up his belly in order to fit into the booth? I don't mean to eavesdrop, but when you are in an intimate restuarant, and the people are talking too loud, you really don't have a choice. Their convo is going something like this,
"I mean I just feel like he took advantage of me. I'm a giver, like I can't help it. I just like did everything for him. I set up his cable and phone. And cleaned for him and made his house a home and then he just left me."
"I can honestly tell you, Shannon, I will not do that to you. That's not me at all. I love to take care of my women. And I'm ready to take care of someone. I'm ready to live again, I really am."
So it didn't take long for me to learn we're sitting next to a first date. Chris doesn't pay attention to other peoples convo, but I advised him that this was one of those times he had to try. This was just too good. The more they drank the better it got.
"I like just really want to get involved in a lot of charities and foundations. I just feel like I have so much I want to help." Shannon says as she drinks her appletini and starts to make herself more comfortable by tucking her suede wedge boot under her leg.
"Oh my God I know. You need to google my family. For real, we give so much. You would just be so amazed."
"Hehehe what? Google you? Why? Are you like a big deal? I'm kinda a big deal." Giggle giggle.
"Oh yes, I am a pretty big deal."
"No, I was saying the line from Anchorman."
Note to Shannon, don't quote movies if you have to immediately follow it by saying the movie you quoted. Ugghhh and especially no Ron Burgandy quotes.
"Oh, but really, I am a big deal. I guarantee if you ask anyone in this area over half will know who I am. I have a lot of dough."
So at this point I start to think this is a live sketch comedy act. There is no way this is real, and I am not making this dialogue up, ask Chris. The more they drink the louder he gets.
"I gotta tell you Shannon, I love that Ed Hardy sweater. I really do, it looks awesome girl. You're trouble, I can tell."
"Oh ya? You think I'm trouble? I'm not, I'm innocent, well kinda. Hehehe. And I have a lot more Ed Hardy. I love them, they're just so cute and fresh. Just so fresh and so clean clean. Fresh and so clean clean-" Shannon continues to sing Outkast for a bit longer and then their waiter comes over.
Darryl says he needs to ask the waiter a very "serious question."
"But honestly, tell me the truth I'm (explicative) serious, have you seen a better looking girl in this place tonight than the woman sitting across from me? She's (explicative) gorgeous."
Ummmm rude. I'm sitting right here asshole. The waiter mumbles something, feeling a little akward then comes to our table. So I ask him,
"Hey, I gotta question for you. I'm for real now, have you seen a better looking guy than this one sitting right across from me?"
Okay, that was a lie. But I wanted to say it. But I was scared Darryl would hear me. And by this point Darryl is drunk, and his F bombs are coming much more often, and he is also being quite rude to the staff. It's clear that this might be one of the few nights in this new relationship that Shannon will not find herself getting beat by Darryl's fast knuckles. Now it's time to pay, and rich ol Darryl uses a GIFT CARD! Great idea Darryl, take a first date to a place you already have it covered. Unfortunately for Darryl the card is empty!!! He's pissed, drops a few unessary refrences to "who he is," and reluctantly pays with a different card. By this time Chris and I are finished, as well, and reluctantly leave the Melting Pot leaving behind the flourishing relationship that is Shannon and Darryl. My only hope is that Shannon does not get her heart broken once again. Or her nose.