She fights depression one serotonin at a time.
She's up almost every morning before 10 a.m.
She laughs in the face of Monster. And CareerBuilder. And Indeed.com.
She is
Unemployed Girl.
She's back. My alter ego, I mean. I call her Terri.
She calls herself Unemployed Girl.
She's a bit confused about her gender, as she prefers to wear Chris's clothes
and doesn't like to shower often.
"Dressing up" for her is brushing her hair and putting on some jeans.
She also talks in a weird butch voice when reminiscing
about her "good old days" on the basketball court.
Although she'll be the first to tell you her real glory days were in the 6th grade when she took home
four golds at the Norfolk Sixth Grade All City Track Meet.
It's pathetic. I've heard the story, and watched the video, at least ten times.
She eats weird things like black beans straight from the can, same with tuna, and also canned pears.
She calls it the "I Got Canned" diet.
And then she cackles to herself thinking it's the funniest joke ever.
It's super creepy.
When I try to job search she rudely takes over my computer and will do anything to distract me.
Like spending hours looking up inspirational quotes.
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take" is her favorite.
Once I caught her trying to post a sulky song lyric as my Facebook status. A song lyric!
She wastes my entire day searching the depths of google for ridiculous things like:
How to get rich fast
Funny animal videos
How to invent something
Fat photos of Kim Kardashian
Best lottery numbers to pick
Monkeys in wedding attire
Who killed Jon Benet
Ghost in Three Men and a Baby
Who invented Crocs
Michael Jackson's nose
(just to name a few)
By the time she's finished I barely have any time to do something productive.
The worst part is I never know how long she's going to stay.
It's terrifying.
And I think she's afraid of the outdoors. She acts like stepping outside will kill her.
Maybe it will, I should try...
Did I mention she's a sulker? We'll be on the right track to getting something done and then
suddenly she'll get all mopey and just want to lie down in the middle of the afternoon
and spend hours creeping on college kids on Facebook.
Hey, I think it's weird as shit too.
She just likes to torture herself I think by looking at party pics of younger people she hardly
even knows because it "reminds her of college."
Poor thing.
What can you do though,
she's Unemployed Girl.
She's got no agenda.
Follow myself as well as "Terri" on Instagram @taylorgracewolfe
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