Bach Edition: Fantasy Suite

Fantasy Suite episode weirds me out. The girls are all sappy and emotional, Ben acts all creepy and sensual, and I just can't stop thinking of Maxine from Arthur the entire time.

They're all making out in a hot tub like a bunch of horny 7th graders, Ben's hair is drippy and wet, and they say "fantasy suite" as least 25 times a minute. And who says that anyway...Fantasy Suite... I'll tell you who. Girls at the Bunny Ranch.

The term "fantasy suite" should be used inside the state lines of Nevada only.

I'm so tired of listening to the same old stories, I could puke. Nicki is open to love, Lindzi is guarded, and Courtney is a trick. It's just all so predictable.

Nicki & Ben

"How many kids do you want to have?"-Nicki

"Well my sister and I have talked about this before. And we said four."-Ben

What every woman wants to hear when asking this question.

Lindzi & Ben

"The ice-queen has melted."-Lindzi

"Wait, what do you mean?" -Ben

"Ice-queen, it's the brand of my bronzer. I need to go reapply real quick."-Lindzi

Courtney & Ben

"Hey Cow."- Ben

"Is Emily here?"-Courtney

And then... When all hope is lost and I'm so sick of this pathetically boring episode and the thought of Ben "seducing" these poor woman and am ready to watch Gold Rush with Chris when she comes on screen.

Emily. Maynard. In all her glory.

Isn't she lovely? Yes. Yes she is.

Can we just end Ben's season now and get on to Emmers? I can only imagine the type of suitors she'll attract. Probably celebs. And I don't even care that we're going to have to watch her creepy child Ricki Bobby along the way. Sometimes you just have to take the good with the bad.

And just when I was getting comfortable with Em, Kacie B. came stumbling in on the brim of an anxiety attack, breathing all heavy and nervous like she was Mary Katherine Gallagher.