Bachelor Edition: "I was just there two months ago"

I worry I was a bit too harsh with last week's episode so I am going to try very hard to keep everything positive tonight. I won't even get into how much I loathe Courtney and her devil lips that have a mind of their own traveling all over her face or the fact that her forehead overhead hangs so far over her bushy eyebrows it causes a shadow. Nope, not going to go there. Courtney is a mastermind at catching guys, she said so herself, I just can't figure out why she had to go on a dating show then... Probably because she's too busy always modeling and eating her bottom lip.

But continuing on with the positivity I am going to say at least one nice thing I like about everyone so far. 


Ben: Even though I think you might be one of the most unattractive bachelor's yet, I thought you were semi cute when you played Randall Floyd in Dazed & Confused.


Rachel: I liked it how at your one-on-one date with Ben you didn't cry when he referred to your "crows feet" when you were actually referring to lines from the sun, as in tan lines. You handled that insult with such class!


Kacie B: I love how in love you are with such a doucher. 


Courtney: I like how you still say "winning" as if it's still even slightly entertaining. And it's very refreshing how you don't even attempt to hide the fact that you are truly an awful, awful person whom I would love to curb stomp if ever given the opportunity.


Casey S: It's nice of you to be the insecure follower to Courtney, all mean bitches someone like you.


Jamie: I like how you're still on the show and no one has any idea who you are. Not even Ben. Even Chris Harrison handed you his wine glass right before he started talking like he thought you were someone's assistant.


Lindzi: I like how you're not afraid of bronzer. And I think you have a really good attitude even if you didn't catch the first fish. I wish Ben would choose you but I'm sure he won't. 


Elyse: You would be such a hit on this show if it was just broadcast on youtube, on like the east coast, like the Jersey Shore-ish area. 

Blakely: I think it's neat how big your teeth are! And all of the crazy jewelry you wear reminds me so much so of that lovely Stephanie Hogan from the Bachelor Season 2008.


Emily: Kudos to you for throwing yourself under the bus and insulting the one woman it seems Ben is literally thinking about choosing. Way to take one for the jealous team.


Samantha: It was so brave of you to keep that crooked smile on your face even as Ben literally ripped out your heart and took a giant piss on it and then told you to go home early... Note to the other girls: don't ask why you're only being taken on group dates. Ben apparently hates this.


Monica: I thought it was inspiring how you wore a dress adorned with large roses the night you didn't actually get a rose... 


and Chris Harrison: I think it's cute how you still pretend you're straight.

For some reason I'm ridiculously excited for next week in Puerto Rico! Do Courtney and Ben really skinny-dip? Is that even allowed on this show? Scandalous. I can barely contain my excitement.