I woke up today in my childhood bed with a pesky hangover and a chilled red nose (my parents don't like to turn up the heat on the "old side of the house," do you have stock in the electric bill? No, and neither do they.) Anyway, I was instantly overcome with happiness as I remembered where I was and all of the fun that was in store for me in the next few days. Great holiday parties, being with friends and family, and everything else fun that people are posting a complete play by play about on Facebook. Ditto to everything, except for the one girl who popped up on my mini who is "So excited to visit my brother in jail this weekend! XOXO Heartsstarsandanalsex!"
But it's important that we don't lose sight of what this season is all about and the true reason for all of the celebrating, the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ. I'm a big believer of keeping Christ in Christmas, you will never NEVER see me writing XMAS, I mean I may have slipped up a time or two and written CMAS, but I feel like Christ is cool with me just using his first initial. It's hip. I try to take a moment in between the presents and the hangovers and the Mariah Carey music to think about the story of the birth of baby Jesus. And to be honest, there's a few parts of the story that always trip me up.
Issue #1: the Inn Keeper. What kind of asshole turns away a ready-to-burst pregnant woman and her obedient husband out into the cold. This keeper had to have been someone like, Sandusky, or Kenny Powers. Yup, that's it, every time I think about this story from now on I am going to picture Kenny Powers working behind the desk at this so called "Inn." I'm sure he was just such an arrogant ass turing away this sweet little couple claiming they were carrying the Lord's child. I mean even if he didn't believe what Mary was saying about giving birth to the King you think he might have at least considered she was telling the truth for a second. Like what could it have hurt if he just let Mar and Jo hang out in the lobby for a while? On one hand let's say she just has a "normal baby," big deal, now he just has a little extra cleaning to do is all. But on the other hand, Mary puts her money where her mouth is and does indeed deliver the new King in his lobby, now what? Now his Inn isn't just an Inn, it's a Hilton. It's a pretty big deal. Suddenly it becomes the flocking spot for other Kings, and Little Drummer Boys, and angels and reindeer. Old Inn Keeper is now set for life, can hire other people to work for him and can go on to have offspring that become the new socialites of Bethlehem showing off their Britney's when they get on and off a camel going to award shows. But that's all hearsay now thanks to those famous six words he muttered, "not enough room in the Inn." Dick.
Issue #2: Rewind nine months. How come we never hear more about the day when Mary had to explain to Joseph she was impregnated by an angel in the night? That's all I'm gonna say about that one because I'm a belieber and I don't need any more explanation besides the fact she said she was impregnated by Him and that's good enough for me.
Issue #3: We saw three ships come sailing in, come sailing in, on Christmas day in the morning. Who was in these three ships? The three Kings? And what water were they sailing on? Because I'm pretty sure Bethlehem is land locked.
Issue #4: What is a manger?
Issue #5: The Little Drummer Boy. Rather than just "playing" for Jesus, why didn't this little guy consider giving Jesus his drum set as a gift? I mean He just received gold, frankincense and myrhh (yeah, I had to google that spelling) for God's sake, drums would have probably seemed like the best thing ever. Babies love drums. Knox is getting like five different versions of drums for Christmas in fact. Sure Jesus might not have been able to play them for a few months, but this man is about to walk on water, I think it's safe to assume He could learn to play with toys a little sooner than others. Just a thought.
Okay, the catholicness in me is starting to feel guilty with all these questions. Religion means just accepting things for how they are and not asking for explanations regardless of the situation. So whatever. Merry Christmas! Happy Birthday Jesus! It's really too bad he's not on Facebook, he'd get so many wall posts it wouldn't even be funny.
