I'll Put You Through to Voicemail.

Do you know what I could go for right about now? A good old fashioned fall break. Just a few days off simply for the sake of welcoming the season of fall into our lives. Remember those days? Way back when in college when you were awarded a break on account of all the hard drinking and tailgating you'd been undergoing for the past couple months. It's just another example of something that is stripped from you upon entering the working world, a world where you need that break ten times more than you did in college. Hey college kids, look you get three additional days to do nothing on top of the five days you're already doing nothing. Enjoy.

Real Worlders, get back to your cold calls. And not the Real Worlders like Nick brought back whose "real world" consists of getting into alcohol infused bitchy fights about who likes who while working a faux part time job at a random place like a snow cone hut or a roller rink dressed in Urban Outfitter graphic tees and Ed Hardy jeans. You don't count. I'm talking to those of us who are in the middle of a three minute break right now from our degrading voicemails we leave on machine after machine for the people who are always "away from their desk." Away? But just a second ago you told me they were available, you receptionist whore. What could have changed in those three seconds? Did Phillip and Nancy Garrido swing into his office all of the sudden and take him away? What did I do to raise the red flag that deemed me not good enough to speak to an actual human? Was it because I told you who I was? A "cold caller." A person you can just dismiss because you think you're better than me. Let's not forget I'm the one with the college degree here. And I'm not talking about an online college. I went to a school that doesn't need to advertise with an awkward white girl in pajamas singing a rap during the commercials for Jersey Shore or Teen Mom. But go ahead, put me through to voicemail so I can just leave yet another  message that won't be returned. I don't mind, it's not like a have a soul or anything. I'm just a voice on the other end of the line, right?

What kind of shitty world have we turned into where I get hung up on or sighed heavily to for saying,

"I'm just calling to touch base, see if you're doing okay or see if there is anything I can help with."

Help. I'm offering help and you're the one pissed? So sorry I interrupted your intense Soduku puzzle.  I'm not pretending to be Sally Sunshine, I was never privileged enough to win that Theta award. But one day, I'm gonna be the person on the other end of the phone. And on that day I'm gonna be Sally Sunshine. Mark my words. The day WILL come, and I will be nice. Unless I'm like super busy, but in that case I will make sure my assistant is super nice. 

I need a drink.