Be careful what you wish for.

I think I might have gotten in a little over my head moving to Chicago. I'm starting to wonder if maybe I'm just more suited for country living in a shitty town like Topeka where I'm not bothered with silly distractions like having friends or going to concerts or cool new bars and restaurants. Being physically social leaves so little time to be digitally social. My Facebook time has been so minimal this week I don't even want to think about what status updates or mobile uploads I might have missed. Or birthdays. Ugh, I'll just say it because it's weighing on me so heavily, but not only did I not text Kenz "the soccer player" I didn't write on her Facebook wall either. I feel so bad. What's super shitty about this situation is that Kenz and I are like digital BFFs. Real life, pretty good, but digital is where our relationship is at. I'm pretty sure she is always drunk/hungover at work on account of the fact she lives in New Orleans, so this allows for ample day texting. And I can always count on her for a good Facebook post and blog comment. So basically I really dropped the ball. I'm gonna blame it on the fact that yesterday was our first official work happy hour. It was a pretty big deal, around 3:30 our office turned into a sorority house with everyone transforming themselves from work attire to going out glam. Music was blaring, flat irons were plugged in, bronzers were all around, it was like a pre-formal sesh- in an office at the Wrigley building. It was very Gossip Girl of us.

Around 4:30 we headed over to the Trump for drinks on the terrace to enjoy the unusually warm October weather. The Trump was its usual fun self, Asian business and old women in pearls getting crunk off of dirtys. A few $18 glasses of wine later it was time for our reservations at Studio Paris. Yea, I was skeptical too. But SP wasn't nearly as 1980's and white furniture clad as I thought it might be. The drinks were strong, the food was delish and I couldn't help but delight in the fact I was sitting at a table full of my new work friends. I was in a good place. Until the Jameson shots, things started to go downhill after that. I had a pep talk with myself before going out, I could have a good time, but there was absolutely no reason to get sloppy. I don't know these girls good enough to let them see Captain Blackout just yet. We'll save that for the Christmas party.

A few Jameo shots in and suddenly I found myself knee deep in a convo with my coworker Tiffany, I call her Tiffers, about my secret dream to try stand up comedy. Kill me. I even started doing my bit.

"Why does pizza have to be on a bagel to eat it anytime? Who is butter to think it's too good to just sit on a shelf, why does it need it's own flip door?"

You get it. I know it's not good, I know I'm not funny. I don't actually have a bit besides those two incredibly hilarious lines. But I'll be damned when I'm drunk if I don't think I'm Lewis C.K. I hate myself. Luckily, Tiffers is the only one who heard my act. She's the other newbie, looks like a classy cast off of Jersey Shore. But don't call her Schnooky because she will murder you, all 4'8 of her. Tiffers and I took a big step today, I let her into my Facebook circle. I don't usually allow the work place into my online social network, but I'm taking a chance with her. She knows there will be consequences if she screws it up. But anyway, once the comedy act comes out, I know it's time to go home. So I pulled a Houdini, snuck out and grabbed a cab home without saying a word. Probably not the best idea, but I couldn't take the risk of sticking around and pulling out my Westboro material. That's my real bread and butter right there.

Moral of the story, happy late bday Kenz. May your weekend be full of fried frog legs, endless bowls of jambalaya and good looking cajun men. And hopefully a Husker win. I can't take another Saturday like last weekend. Maybe we should just dress our receivers in Ohio State jerseys so T Mart can actually complete a pass. That was mean, Taylor does his best. And ever since his one breakout game eight years ago, that's been pretty damn shitty. Okay, I'm done. Happy weekend!