Worlds of White Trash

And another Spring Game has come and gone that I was unable to attend. But I survived not going. It was actually kinda nice to wake up Sunday morning without wanting to die or without that deeply embarrassing feeling of knowing I did one too many dumb things the night before but not knowing exactly what they were. Or without wondering where my debit card or camera or phone or sunglasses were, possibly all four if it was really that fun of a day. While I'm sure all of you who went had a great time, at least I can bet I had a much better Sunday than you did. A sober Sunday in Topeker is better than a hungover one in Lincoln... Not really, but let me pretend.

Since Chris and I were unable to go to Lincoln on Saturday, we settled for the next best thing: Worlds of Fun. Did I mention it was opening day? Because it was. I figured out that every person who didn't go to college, so didn't have a spring game to attend, goes to Worlds of Fun on this day. The last time Chris and I went to Worlds I remember being worried that the poor little park might soon shut down because it was that empty, but then I remembered that Chris and I went on a Wednesday afternoon. A day when all of those good hard working folk we were surrounded by on Saturday were obviously working. I have no more worries, the park was absolutely packed. From 1 p.m.-5 p.m. Chris and I were only able to ride four rides. The lines were a tad long you could say.

It was a melting pot of people in attendance. We saw families of 20, middle schoolers in groups of fifty, and every age in between stuffing their faces with turkey legs, cotton candy and funnel cakes. The dress code of the day was very casual. Although I found it to be a bit chilly, so I was dressed in jeans and a scarf, I saw many others in tube tops, halter tops and jean skirts. The one thing they all had in common was the Chiefs emblem. I don't know how Chris and I missed the memo, but Chiefs attire appeared to have been a requirement. Next time.

We passed the time in line by people watching (judging.) I was very happy I chose to wear a hat and sunglasses because I am certain there had to have been more than a few high school students who might have recognized me as "culinary lady!" For as awkward as it was to see teachers in public when you're younger, I am ten times more awkward when I happen to see a student who might know me. The middle school girls looked like they were either 8 or 18. I told Chris my theory that 99% of girls who are born with boobs early are doomed into slutdom. Think about the skanks you knew in middle school. It's just the way it goes, they really can't help it. The skanks were covered in henna tattoos all over their bellys and the good girls were covered in face paint. Why anyone would pay for a henna tattoo is beyond me. Wouldn't a black Bic pen do just the same? And speaking of useless stuff, how about the "rice jewelry" that all theme parks try to sell. Here, let me pay $10 for a "T" written on a grain of rice. I asked if they had corn jewelry but the vendors didn't respond. It's more colorful I thought, and a little bit bigger so you can do more with it. But if we're gonna do corn we might as well string a radish and wear it as jewelry too.

Long lines aside, it was good day. Besides the fact that when I came off the Mamba I had a wet butt. The Mamba isn't a water roller coaster and it wasn't raining. So your guess is as good as mine as to why I had to walk around for the next forty minutes with a wet ass. I know I didn't pee my pants. We finished the weekend off with a trip to Big Lots to purchase cheap plants and basket holders. But once inside we saw the price on Doritos and pop was pretty cheap too. And they were practically giving away laundry soap, which we were low on. Next thing I knew we had done almost all of our shopping at Big Lots, a store that I find comparable to a fancy, bigger Dollar Tree. Topeka is setting in stronger than ever and we can't even help it. As we were walking out of Big Lots with bags of goodies I turned to Chris and said,
"I think we just officially became Topekans." And then I cried a little.