Bachelor Edition- Wife Beater Brad Is Coming Back!

Oh Costa Rica, what a naughty little treat you are. The plush rain forests, the amazing scenery and the beautiful Bachelor girls prancing around in work out pants and tank tops. Or was that just Chantal? I'm digging it. Nothing says "I don't give a shit" like wearing sweats on a date that is broadcast on national TV. I don't care if you're swinging on a wire, you don't wear yoga pants on a date until you've been dating at least 3 months. I know Emily wouldn't have. And what about Chani's dirty little mouth? "I'll see you on the other side," she said, "nice and wet." Oh gross. This is a family show, Chantal. Did anyone else get uncomfortable when she came out of the bathroom wearing only Brad's white button up shirt? I was just waiting for her to put on tube sox and go sliding across the floor. Where were her yoga pants from earlier I wonder? She just conveniently chose to wear a shirt without pants rather than her daytime clothes? I don't mean to be blunt, but that's the move of a slut right there.

I thought Michelle looked more rough than usual this episode. I still can't decide if she is legitimately crazy, or if she is just playing a part? Is it really possible for someone to be as big of a bitchy nut job as she is? She makes hair dressers everywhere look bad. Or do I mean good? I think I might have seen a tiny glance of old wife beating Brad when Michelle starting yipping in his ear about Chantal. Once again, it seems she got this show confused with the Bachelorette. But Brad wasn't having her shit. He was seconds away from Snooki-punching her. The rage was there and ready to explode. And I was loving it. Were getting closer to seeing the real Brad.

After seeing the blonde food critic girl in a swim suit I've decided to delay my eating disorder for a bit. She looked like a ten year old version of Vienna, if Vienna had an eating disorder as a little girl, which I highly doubt. Jackie looks more like a lizard in the water than she does on land, and to be even more specific she looked a bit Jewish to me, as well. If she were in a cartoon she would be the lizard daughter born to very strict Jewish parents. And that other Chatal, or Shawtel, or Shitell, whatever her name is, does not look well when wet. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess she started skipping pool parties around about the 7th grade.

So... is Alli a giant or is it just me? I feel like she might have played softball at UNL, I could be wrong, but I really think that I've seen her walking around campus in grey Husker sweats and a hooded sweatshirt. And who has a gag reflex to bugs? Especially when you're an ogre? Isn't she supposed to like eat bugs? It was pretty sad when their lilly pad started sinking completely on her side, I was worried that by the end of dinner Brad's side was going to be completely in the air and Alli would be five foot below. But the real blow was when Brad dumped her and she was completely caught off guard. It was painful to watch, right up until the last second Alli was batting her eyes and flashing her Mr. Ed smile toward Brad. She just had no idea, too bad the rest of the world did. I did like her final words in the taxi though, "The next guy I date better watch out... Because I'm gonna eat him!!!"

Well... Nothing screams Chantal like a yellow cheetah print dress. I was glad she said I love you to Brad first. It was very brave, not quite as brave as it was of her to wear a yellow and black spotted dress, but still very admirable. Emily looked stunning, as usual. I don't even usually like long dresses, but after seeing Emmers in one I want to go buy like five. Anorexic blonde Brit is just an anomaly to me. I can't believe she has lasted this long, without eating I mean. Her dangly ball earrings and heart shaped sunglasses have to weigh her down I would think. I was sad Lizard went home, she was starting to grow on me. But not really, I won't miss her. I'm sure her Jewish parents are anxiously awaiting her return back in the desert.

I sure am excited for next week. From the previews, Brad's crazy look is going to be in full force. If Michelle plays her cards right she might get her black eye again, but this time it will be from Brad. I simply can't wait. We'll just have to wait until next week on the Bachelor.