Chpt 5 Haters and Creepers

Because bikini profile photos are
meant to be seen by only the closest of 3,000 Facebook friends.

This is a tricky subject for me to comment on given the fact I am a self proclaimed "creeper." The only difference between myself and others is that I have learned to embrace my creepiness- for the most part, anyway. I embrace it in the sense that I now feel comfortable enough to begin most stories with, "I saw on Facebook that..." I no longer feel the need to premise a story with, "So I don't stalk Facebook but..." Although this is all within context, it depends greatly on the person with which you are sharing the story. There are still many FB taboos which must be avoided. For example, a few years ago my friend from Omaha began dating a guy whom I had not yet met (in real life, anyway.) I just knew the basics: interests, music preference, favorite quotes and of course what he looked like. Well one night I happened to see him out, forgetting I had not met him in real life just yet, I immediately went over to say hello. I Introduced myself as Jeni's friend from high school, and said how nice it was to see him in "person." Realizing my faux paux I mumbled a few excuses as to how I knew him and quickly walked away. I got lucky, this was simply a boy FB awkward moment. He didn't make much of it, as most guys typically don't. Girls, on the other hand, are a different story. A good rule of thumb is that if you wouldn't say hello to a girl at 2:00 p.m. in the afternoon at the mall, it's probably best not to say hello to her later that night at a bar and then proceed to ask her about her recent family vacation and the funny post her roommate made to her regarding their perverted neighbor. Strictly a suggestion though. Simply because we know certain information does not make it necessary to comment upon. Truthfully though, I consider myself a "friendly creep." I don't check my mini with bad intentions. I check it for the same reason I read US and People. Because peoples lives intrigue me. Facebook is a gossip magazine full of people I know, what could be better than that? It's like endless pages of "stars! They're just like us!" Only it's "facebookers! They're just like me!" Some are anyway.

Creepers and Haters is one of those areas in which I can't help but hold up the hypocrite card regarding Facebook Girl. Because she herself often falls into both categories and yet still frequently complains about both. You can't tell me that someone who spends that much time on Facebook isn't doing a little of her own creeping. That's like saying the hostess as Vals Grand Buffet doesn't eat the bread sticks, it's just not realistic.

So Facebook Girl wastes many posts regarding the creep infestation on her page. I'm just not sure what one expects when 95% of her photos consist of skimpy bikinis and Kelly Kapowski mini dresses. Throw in some fake boobies and the creeps will come a calling. Add a few posts mentioning how "lonely" or even better "drunk and alone" you are and you'll have to beat them off with a stick (or just the delete button?) Oh, and just a little FYI posting about "pillow fights" and "pajama parties" will probably have the same affect, as well.

As for the problem with haters, well for all the same reasons I mentioned creepers creep, well that's a good bet why the haters hate. And the haters are obviously girls, fellow Facebook Girls. I think it's a bit of a territory fight in a sense. It seems there is a constant struggle as to just how many Facebook Girls can live in one zip code. Between the "discreet" wall fighting and threatening statuses, "loves when trashy girls start shit with me. Sorry your guy wants nuffin to do with ya. Ha," there is some major unnecessary hostility going on here. Don't they realise that while they are wasting precious posts in order to bring the entire Fb world into your cat fight they could be doing much more positive instead commenting on photos and walls, "You are like too pretty" and "omg u look just like Megan Fox" or the standard, "you look hot ow ow." I only wish Facebook Girls would realize there is enough Affliction and Ed Hardy to go around, there truly is no need to bring each other down- I mean unless Brothers someday closes.

FbGirl: "um deleting like anyone 35 and older on my friendlist. Old pervs."

And the reason your friends with 35 year old men is what?

FbGirl: "if I get one more message from a nasty guy asking me out I'm going to freak out!"

Oh, let's be honest now Fb girl, do really care that much, or do you just want Fb world to know you're getting asked out?

FbGirl: "why do guys dt think it's ok to just grab my ass whenever they please? Fml."

This might be a long shot, but did you happen to go out in Victoria Secret shorts that said "grab my ass whenever you please" across the butt?

FbGirl: "thinks it real funny when girls start drama bc they obviously have nothing else to do. Lmao."

Not everyone has the Facebook app, give them a break. And what's with Lmao? It's as bad as FML. I'm still waiting for LTISM to take off (Laughing Til I Shit Myself.)

FbGirl: "haters don't know I just take it as a compliment. Can we say jealousss?"

We certainly can.