Chpt 4 Regarding Facebook Holidays (Halloween)

It's the most wonderful time of the year (to creep on photo albums)

Halloween is the December 25th of the Facebook world. Of course other holiday times are celebrated such as Spring Break week, 4th of July and ugly sweater party season, which is a close third to the other two. But sadly sweater parties seem to be wearing out their welcome as of late. What was once a fun time to scavenge Goodwills and your mom's closet for sweaters covered in buttons, ribbon, lace and everything Christmas has been cheapened to newly purhased green and red sweatshirts from Wal Marts featuring a Santa Clause hat wearing Jonas trio.

Let's get back to the subject at hand: Halloween. Somewhere along the way I have a sneaking suspicion a Jewish college student confused Hanukkah with Halloween because it has now become a 12 day celebration. Halloween is comparable to the Oscars of Facebook- whatever you choose to wear will be photographed numerous times and will undoubtedly be spoken about, as well. As in most aspects of life, guys are very lucky in this area as they are awarded on the humor and creativity of their costumes. The more politically incorrect and racially inappropriate, the better. Unfortunately for girls, the humorous costume does not win any points. It's what I refer to as the female comedian stigma- you have to either be a lesbian or severly overweight to be considered funny (prefably both.) So we are left with options of a. sexy or b. slutty. And this is a very fine, usually low cut, line. So most of us choose a few fun outfits (cat, witch, fairy) and dress innocent enough for the first few nights and then maybe end with with something a bit more on edge like sexy cat, sexy witch, fairy ext. But this just doesn't cut it for Facebook Girl.

I am just waiting for the Halloween law to go into effect making it legal for girls to go out in public completely naked during the Halloween season. I don't think this is too far off. This is the one time of year a Fb Girl actually has to go out of her way to look slutty on account of the fact that normal girls are dressed in shorter skirts and lower shirts than normal. I imagine this is a very stressful time of year for Fb girl, and each year only seems to get worse. Just how little of clothes can one wear? And that isn't the only obstacle, the costume must also be appealing to guys' interests- afterall, she is the ultimate "guys gal." Thus enters booty shorts fireman outfit, bra top boxer girl or busty baseball girl- all baring the stomach area. I feel so old fashioned saying this, but I really believe it's the bare stomach that sets a facebook Girl a part from the rest of the Halloween girls. But like I've said, no judgment, simply admiration.

Once the costume is zipped and boobs are out and the cheekys are peaking the next task might be the hardest of all: the perfect "I want to look kinda innocent but also a little naughty" photo is to be captured. If all goes well, this should be the new profile picture for at least the next week. Rules regarding Halloween photos:
1. Take group shots only when absolutely neccesary.
2. Take as many photos as possible before actually going out. Learn how to use the camera's self timer, bathroom mirror or cell phone can be substituted, as well.
3. Never pose fully facing the front. Refer back to rules about standard "perfect profile shot."
4. As mentioned earlier try to keep other girls out of photos, but a variety of guys in the photos is most ideal.
5. Alcohol must be present in photos at all times.
6. Only smile for photos in which mass amount of fun appears to be going on. See rule 10.
7. Take at least five dancing photos- this is a time other girls can be in photo as long as girl on girl grinding is underway.
8. Never take a jello shot with a group of guys without first taking a photo to capture the moment.
9. Hands should always be on hips unless blowing a kiss or putting arm around boys.
10. Most importantly, assume pouty kissy face at ALL times. God forbid a photo appears on FB with flat lips.

FbGirl: "just ordered my 3rd costume. Can't wait for it to be here in 3 weeks!"

How about that. Didn't realise the Deb delivered.

FbGirl: "feels like a fireyyy night good thing I've got my fireman hose!"

Ah yes, if Priscilla's starts on fire tonight you will be the first person to call.

FbGirl: "five nights of costumes...who will I be tonight?! Handcuffs or whips?"

The suspense is killing me.

FbGirl: "eww. Y is DT full of so many skanky costumes. Grosssss."

Due to lack of comment, I'll end on this one.