Time for a new job

Somewhere in between standing in the rain for a fire drill surrounded by damp high school students and using a two foot tall toilet in a school day care and having a secretary snap at me for being late to first hour I started to wonder if I am going to make it this year. I am really struggling here. And those damn Topeka tolls are going to be the death of me. Who is Topeka to think they can charge you to come to their town? Please. I told Chris I don't know how much longer I am going to last in this job before I have a meltdown. He suggested I find a job in Topeka. Hmmm. And where or where would I work in Peker, I asked him.

"Well Frito Lay is based out of here, you love chips. Maybe you could be a driver for them."

Grand idea, Chris. Combine the two great loves of my life- driving and Doritos. The combination of me driving a truck for hours on end stocked full of Cool Ranchys and Nacho Cheese Doritos and Cheetos is simply an equation for disaster. Not that I was really considering it, because I wasn't.

"Goodyear tire is also here. They're a good company."

"Another great idea, Chris. What would I do there?"

"Sell tires."

So I'm feeling a bit stuck. Stuck between selling my self pride or selling tires. This is an awful feeling.

Today I am speaking at one of KC Mo's more rough schools. It's kinda cute how all the little ghetto babies call me Chef T. I don't bother to correct them and tell them I'm not an actual chef, who am I to crush their dreams of believing they have an actual chef in their classroom. A few even swear they have seen me on the Food Network, I just smile coyly and say " I don't knowwwww, maybe it was me." The teacher was all a buzz today because her daughter, LaKoya, just had her third child a few days ago- she's eighteen, by the way. But poor LaKoya went into labor a bit early due to the stress of her apartment getting robbed last week, poor thing even got her dog stolen! So if anyone sees a pitbull-boxer mix that limps on his left side it's Tony and he belongs to LaKoya. Sometimes I wonder if African American people just love the Spanish language and that's why they prefer to put "the" in front of every name.

After class today JaQuice came up to me because he was very interested in the study abroad programs I mentioned. He said that ever since he saw an Anthony Bourdain episode a few weeks ago he's been dying to study abroad in Las Vegas. Ah Vegas, beautiful country.

"Ya, I just always got this dream of working in one of dem casinos where Anferny ate dat I saw on TV. You ever been der? To Vegas?"

"Well, yes. I went when I was younger. Great country."

"Ya, so you think I could do that travel study thing you mentioned?"

"Well I don't see why not."

We do have a school in Vegas, so I was telling the truth. So what if he thinks he's going abroad, he'll find out eventually, I don't need to be the one to tell him I decided.

So let me talk briefly about that little show called Joysey Shore. I just don't even know where to begin. Should I start with how spoiled Angelina is for getting a FOSSIL watch from that handsome devil Juan? Lucky! I haven't gotten a Fossil watch since 5th grade when I saved all of my paper delivery money to buy one from the Buckle. And Sammi, you didn't "kick the shit out of J Woww" as you claimed many times. You pounded on her back and pulled her hair. You're skinny now, good for you, but you're still as big as a hooker as the other girls. J Woww still really scares me. I fear for Sammi's life. I heard J Woww has her own fashion line, I can see why she is definitely the fashionista of the house. Love, love, love the way she combines Native American style dresses with knee high winter boots- she's a risk taker. And Snooks, if you're not America's sweet heart I don't know who is. The way you lotioned up your butt while standing in those over sized slippers with the camera filming the whole thing as you just look over and giggle is just priceless. Even though the boys typically just gross me out I still find them quite entertaining. Vinny calling Angelina the "Rob Kardashian of the Staten Island" could not have been written any better. I feel that the Situation has been quite tame as of late. What I would love to see happen next season in this show is to keep the entire cast but throw in one completely random person to mix it up a bit. Somebody completely unfamiliar with the jersey coast culture, like a frat boy from Nebraska. The first name that sprints to mind is Nick Vacanti, I don't know why.