Terrible Tuesdays

So today might not be classified as one of my "better" days. In fact, come to think of it, Tuesday and I have been struggling with each other for the past couple of weeks. It started last Tuesday after my awful alarm clock went off way too early and layed in bed thinking of a good excuse to not go into work. I like to pretend my job is like college and morning classes are optional, so I figured I could call my teacher for the day and say I blew a tire on the way, or woke up to find a dead battery, car excuses are always a great way to go, I try to steer clear from the actual car accident excuse just because it always ends up sounding way too tragic. So after running through my list of excuses and trying to figure out which would fit best for the day I realized I had woken up and might as well get up and go to work. After being on the road for less than ten minutes my car started to feel less like a car and more like a cart on a roller coaster. I looked around to see if anyone else was shaking inside of their car just in case it was some sort of weird earthquake but was disappointed to see I was the only bouncing car. So I called Chris,
"Hey, my car feels like a roller coaster, is this normal?"

"Well, probably not. I bet you have a flat, you should pull over."

"Oooh, not gonna work. I'm already late, do you think it would be okay if I just drive to where I have to get and then check?"

"Sure, if you don't mind being that asshole stalled in the middle lane during morning rush hour."

I pulled over. My back right tire was flat. So now I was truly late for work, but still had to get up early, and didn't even get to use the excuse. Later at the shop I would come to learn that the puncture on the tire occurred on the one tiny spot that is unfixable forcing me to buy a new tire for $200. The job Chris mentioned at GoodYear didn't sound all that bad anymore.

Which brings me to today. Starts off just like last Tuesday, lying in bed, not wanting to go to work, thinking of car excuses, I basically do this every morning though. I just like the feeling of thinking that my job is optional, I like to pretend it's up to me whether I go or not, I dunno, it's a power thing I think. My excuses wake up and I get ready for another day. So just as I'm pulling out of my covered parking spot, yes Topeka doesn't offer garages, simply 1970ish covered spots, I'm looking behind me not wanting to crash into the lime green GEO parked too close behind, when all of the sudden I hear a loud crunch. Shit, I don't see any cars besides the GEO I didn't hit so I must have hit a walking baby or something. But then I noticed the hispanic lawn men laughing and pointing, a rude gesture I felt, if I had just indeed hit an infant. Then I figured out that while backing up my front ride side crunched into the wooden pole beside me. Little car accidents like this are the worst. Because it's just one of those awful, this could have been spared, feelings. So ya, two Tuesdays, and two excuses that weren't used that turned true. Alanis might call this Ironic, don't ya think? But I call it shit. I also call her thought on having 1,000 spoons when you need a knife shit, as well. That's not irony, it's a shitty situation. So my $2000 bill to fix my hanging front bumper makes the $200 tire bill not seem too bad. See, it really is time for me to hang up my driving gloves. I've apparently worn out my welcome on Mother Road.

To make my week even more jolly I have my yearly review call tomorrow. I've been warned this call doesn't always go that great as it's the time when my boss brings up every mistake I've made in the past year. My mom told me to drink wine before the call, Jade told me to take "uppers" not sure what she was referring to exactly, but both seem to be worried I will flip my lid and end up doing something drastic like telling my boss I quit. Some might say I don't take criticism that well. I don't think that's the problem at all, I think some don't give criticism well. On the rare occasion I do need to be corrected I prefer to be told straight up, I don't need someone to tip toe and twirl around what they want to say, just come out with it. I think that is where the confusion lies in the ridiculous notion I don't take criticism well. Pssh.

I'm not too worried though. I do what is asked of me, no more, no less. I don't see a lot of growth in this job, I'm not exactly one to really want to climb the fake corporate ladder this job pretends to offer. Let me explain myself before you write me off as an awful slacker- this job is much like a sorority in the fact that some employees prefer to work extra hard (kiss ass) and do unnecessary extra jobs on top of the regular shit we have to do and then get mad when they don't get the extra recognition they prefer. So what happens next to ensure the said employee feels special is a fake title is created to wear on top of their original title. Like in sororities, when there was an Activity Girl one day, and then the next week her best friend who helps her alot suddenly has acquired the title of Activity Girl Deputy or assistant or Sherif, or something ridic. So as you might tell, I was not one of the lucky ones in my job to acquire a new fake title this year (captain, senior, head, master, senorita, ruler, ext) entitling me to more work, yet same pay. I know, I really dropped the ball on this. But little does everyone else know that I just created my own title, a title no one else can have no matter how many Happy Birthday, Congrats on your numbers, or joke of the day emails they send out. I mean I don't know what the title is just yet, but I'll think of it soon and introduce myself as it in classrooms.