Chpt 6 Regarding the Daily Routine

Information we are all dying to know.

When I am trapped behind a long line of traffic at a red light it is always my first instinct to grab my phone and check my mini feed. It’s really become more like a natural reaction these days, I see red and I reach for my phone. I am not checking for anything in particular, most times though, I see something that peaks my interest which will lead me to do a little more “fb investigation,” as I call it, going onto the person’s actual page, and then sometimes onto another person’s from there just to get a little more background behind the initial status which led me there. I am especially intrigued with any type of congratulatory post, whether it be for a job, engagement or new pregnancy. The worst part is when I can’t figure out the exact reason for the congrats. This is especially aggravating and sometimes very time consuming depending on my amount of interest in the person. I’m twenty three years old, of course I am going to want to get to the bottom of any post congratulating someone on a new job. All twenty three year olds want a better job than the one they have, so if someone else managed to land one, we need to know where, and preferably how. And if it’s an engagement I need details on how it happened, where it happened, or at the very least a picture of the ring. And given that the notion of privacy is so 20th century I will usually get to see all of this in a matter of minutes in a 2-3 page photo album entitled “I said yes!” The pregnancy is the easiest to find out, Facebook typically sees the first sonogram before the dad-to-be does. We also get to see the baby grow every step of the way. This can sometimes get confusing when the only photo posted is of a girl standing in the mirror with her shirt pulled up over her slightly protruding belly with the caption “11 weeks.” I mean, whose to say she just isn’t taking a photo of herself after not dieting for 11 weeks? These are all examples of very important moments in life, moments I might have missed had there not been a status update.

I will admit, I sometimes take advantage of Facebook as my easy outlet to relay useless information. Facebook is that insecure friend I have been looking for all of my life who will listen to all of my pointless stories from the day and will patiently await while I unload my complaints about various subjects in life, mostly the TSA. I try not to abuse my insecure friend too much though, only posting when absolutely necessary (like vacation destinations where it’s essential people know where I am.)

For some reason or another, Facebook Girl is under the impression her whereabouts for all twenty four hours of the days must be accounted for. I can’t help but wonder if she signed a different contract when first signing up with Facebook than the rest of us did. Perhaps it is actually written in her contract that she is required to post daily what she will be doing at all times before she could actually click “yes, I agree,” and log into Facebook. Her page is truly a stalker’s paradise. And when I say stalker, I am not referring to the ex girlfriend sorority girl Facebook stalker. I mean it in the Shawn Johnson, Erin Andrews stalker type. From the moment she wakes up in her Victoria's Secrect nighty to the moment she winds down in her "bathtub with an entire bottle of wine," the day is documented. I think it's great. Facebook works something like an agenda book, it keeps one on task. If I put on Facebook that I am going for a jog in my new two piece Baby Phat workout outfit I better do it. And if I put on Facebook that I am having a dance party in my room to the new Miley CD I better do that, as well.

FbGirl: “Working out, homework, lunch, tan, dinner, Movie time with my besty!”

Thanks for the play by play.

FbGirl: “DAY OFF=mani, pedi, eyebrows, tan, workout then going out :)"

So that’s how you get that million dollar profile body.

FbGirl: “Study, workout, study, study more, study…when can I sleep???”

I would suggest exchanging a few hours of Facebooking for sleep time.

FbGirl: "Busy, busy day!! Ahh sometimes I feel like I don't have time to breath."

But always time for Facebook. All is right in the world (Facebook world.)