Chpt 3 Alcohol and Party'n

Too drunk to function, but not too drunk to post.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, whore.

Alcohol and Facebook are a dangerous combination. It’s very similar to Red Bull and Vodka. Initially, the drunk post you leave on your friend’s wall seems so incredibly funny and necessary you might get a slight rush from posting it. But just like Red Bull Vodkas, the very next day it is quite possible you are in a great deal of pain and regret from the night’s shenanigans- swearing off RB’Vs for the rest of your life. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve read numerous drunken posts that I find to be quite comical, but, nine times out of ten I am laughing at the drunk person, not their post. And that tenth time is usually because I’m the drunk one who accidentally posted something to my own wall.

I'm not claiming to be a saint, I, like every other freshman, once thought it very cool to inform the FB world about how much alcohol I could (couldn't) drink on weekends, and Football game days, specified holidays i.e. five days of Halloween and sweater party season, and that occasional random week night. Although, might I remind you that my freshman year was during an era that was pre mini feed. So technically, my drunken posts were only for my routine creepers to see. Or so I thought. I learned my lesson the hard way regarding alcohol and Facebook and family members as "friends". Apparently not everyone saw the humor in a few posts/albums commonly referring to a little known college epidemic called blacking out, or as I prefer to call it, time travel. But that's neither here nor there. The point is that as Facebook users we mature, we learn what should be posted and what should be kept to ourselves. That is unless you are a Facebook Girl.

Recall how I compared Facebook Girl's relationships to middle school. Well, her relationship to alcohol is very close to that of high school. She has discovered alcohol as a passport to cool land, and so she intends to use it until the day it expires. A post with anything alcohol related is sure to get a "like" or comment from at least a few people. It is the answer/solution to most of the questions/problems in her life. But do not assume for a second that she is an alcoholic, I prefer the term fauxcoholic. Because often times it seems her alcohol posts are more the result of craving attention rather than drunkenness.

FbGirl: "Margarita party in my bed. Come if you'd like..."

Now this just sounds messy to me. I hate changing my sheets. Why on earth would anyone propose such a sticky salty "party" in their bed?

FbGirl: "Tequila doesn't just make my clothes fall off it makes me want to kiss all hot boyyyyyyyss I see tonight!!!!"

Well, I suggest trying a new alcohol then. Have you never taken a family trip to Mexico with your family, if this is your immediate reaction to tequila it would be wise to drink daiquiris.

FbGirl: "Besssst night dt eva... HOpe I remember it tomorrow. Hollla!"

Thanks to the fact you are posting this, I feel it's safe to say you will at least remember part of it. But, in the meantime, I suggest to you what I suggest to all FBr's having "the time of their life" on a vacation/wedding/best bar in the world, get off Facebook and enjoy this "besssss night dt eva."

I digress. These are merely the cases of Facebook Girl during her positive reactions to alcohol. Just like high school, we often see cases of Facebook Girl breaking down, exposing her true emotions after a few too many drinks, and posts, of course. Her once carefree cavalier attitude about sexy men and relationships and also about friendships seem to slip down an evil slide. For most people these dark emotions are bottled up, only exposed when absolutely necessary to a few close friends, as they should be. But a Fbgirl exposes to a few thousand Fb friends.

FbGirl: "Y do I even go out. All guys suck and treat me like shit. I hate Lincoln bars."

Oddly enough, Lincoln bars have been asking this same question about you.

FbGirl: "Another stupid drunk night alone."

I'll allow you to take just one word out of that sentence. Which will it be?

FbGirl: "Too drunk to move. Want migos. Hate boys and most girls."

But not to drunk to log in?

And so to end with a phrase I use too much but don't truly understand- to each their own.