11/11/11 Make A Wish!

I wish it was 5:00.

I wish it was 11/11/05. I would be eating greasy dorm sausage and greasy dorm hashbrowns still drunk from the Thursday-Frosh the night before wondering which TV series I would watch all day until it was time to start priming for the night.

I wish we could actually have the job we were “promised” when growing up. I would still love to be an Olympic gymnast hanging out with my friends the zoologist, ballerina and ninja.

I wish I still got student loans so I could have an endless supply of money to spend on nonsense things like sporadic trips to KU to drink illegally at the Hawk and frequent trips to Von Maur to buy a new shirt to wear to the Hawk.

I wish the Huskers still played at KU. Mmm Wheel pizza. Mmm Lazzaris.

I wish Suh was my half brother.

I wish Kim Kardashian would marry Jerry Sandusky.

I wish I could invent something great. Like Facebook. Or Shamwow. Or Crocs. Or the jewels that go into Crocks.

I wish people didn’t still wear Crocks. A shoe that is worn by people aged 3 months-99 years can’t be good.

I wish my college life would move to Chicago.

I wish I knew if internet usage is really monitored…

I wish I knew how many people posted their status as “11:11 on 11/11/11” today.

I wish I knew why "Whitney" is taped in front of a live student audience.

I wish I knew why people text one minute and then don’t answer when you call them 30 seconds later.

I wish I could accept the fact college is over and so is everything that goes with it like free money, free booze, free fun, free days off, free vacations, free parties, free Union food, freeDOM. And now I’m paying the $400 bill for it every month for the next ten years.

I wish the water cooler was full of Husker Punch.

I wish the water cooler was full of Bisonwitch spinach dip.

I wish I could be as comfortable in short jean shorts as the Bisonwitch waitresses are.

I wish people didn’t still say “water cooler talk.” No one talks at the water cooler.

I wish I knew why people get so mad when I call them and they can’t hear me. It’s not like I’m trying to have bad cell service.

I wish I could figure out why/how white trash people manage to transfer their white trash vocab onto Facebook. “wut yer sayin abt dat shit aint gon chan how u be aktin.” We were in the same typing class in middle school, how did this happen.

I wish Facebook was still only for major University students.

I wish beer would come in 10 calorie packets you could pour into your water at work.

I wish I knew how people wished Veterans a Happy Veteran Day before Facebook? No way in person… that’d be too weird.

I wish Tim Tebow would start a prayer group for Penn State.

I wish Penn State would start a prayer group for Tim Tebow.

I wish I knew why the kid from Ladybugs hung himself. Did he know Sandusky?

I wish I knew what happened to Jon Benet. Did she know Sandusky?

I wish I knew why Ke$ha is famous. Does she know Sandusky?

I wish I knew why FastBreak's aren't more prevalent in the candy world.

I wish is was 5:00 p.m. ALL. THE. TIME.