Case of the Mondays. But not really.

Internet, modems, routers, cable, cable boxes, ext makes me angry. Like angry in the way Chris Farley was angry when he didn't realize he was drinking Colombian decaffeinated coffee on a hidden camera show. A-N-G-R-Y. I've spent the better part of my morning on the phone with Comcast trying to get someone to come out to install the two cable boxes I didn't know we needed for the two bedroom TV's. Isn't that a jip? Every single room with a TV requires a cable box here in Chicago. And on top of that, we have to pay an "entertainment tax" every month for every room with a TV. They sure do nickel and dime ya around here. Kinda like how Saturday morning I was greeted by not only a lovely hangover, but also a $100 ticket on my car for parking too close to a fire hydrant. Who really even uses fire hydrants these days besides dogs and kids in Kool Aid commercials? With all the technology we have now (routers, modems, cable boxes, Kool Aid commercials) I find it hard to believe they haven't figured out how to just get a portable fire hydrant on a truck that pumps water. Pimp My Ride can install hot tubs for classy black men in their Cadillacs and GMC cars can have Facebook today but firetrucks can't have fire hydrants? Not right. And excuse me but I was under the impression as long as I wasn't in front of the hydrant I was fine. Which for the record I was at least five feet from it. Five feet! So if you're gonna tell me that water hoses these days are more than five feet wide I'd like to see that hose. I'd like to see the hose that can't fit between the five feet that separates my car and the fire hydrant. And then show me the fire men who are able to carry a five foot wide hose that is full of water. I'm sure they'll be followed by 101 Dalmatians ready to run into the house that is on fire that only 10-15 feet between a car and a fire hydrant can save. I know the whole "10-15 feet" rule might also have a little to do with ensuring the truck can properly park, but I can't help but think that in the case of a fire double parking might suffice for a few hours. Then again, the parking police around here are Nazis. And not fun Nazis like the type Prince Harry dressed up as for Halloween, but the type of Nazis who killed Anne Frank and took peoples shoes. Well thank God I moonlight as a lawyer because I'll be damned if I'm paying that ticket. I marked "I contest!" with a black Sharpie and sent the ticket in and will be awaiting my court date. I hope to add another victory to my list of cases before the end of summer.

Besides the ticket on Saturday I mentioned I may or may not have woken up to a slight hangover, as well. The type of hangover where you've just woken up from a dream consisting of excessive water drinking in which your thirst is never quenched. See the only thing I don't like about Fridays is that they are always followed by a Saturday morning. And 9 times out of 10 that morning is spent hungover. And on that 10th time there better be a damn good reason why you're not hungover like you're going in to have surgery on your liver. But anyway, I had the great debate of closing my eyes and feeling dizzy, or keeping them open and feeling my headache intensify with each bead of light that seeped in. It was painful. "At least I didn't I didn't drunk-eat" I thought as I laid in my clothes from the night before trying to piece together what happened wondering if we had lost Doug yet again. Side note- Hangover 2. Have you seen it? I did and I have mixed reviews. The Home Alone 2 lover inside of me says it was a great movie! Whose to say you can't take the exact same plot, same characters, basically same dialogue and jokes and just switch the location and not have a super great movie yet again? The Home Alone 3 hater in me says meh. Rent it, you'll still laugh. But it's literally the same movie. Instead of a baby jacking off it's a monkey. Instead of capturing a tiger it's a monk. The missing tooth becomes the infamous Tyson tattoo and ext and so forth. But back to needing water, I finally convinced myself to walk the ten steps into the kitchen to get a cup and the first thing I noticed was a nacho plate. Hmm. Perhaps I did make a night cap snack. There was also an open jar of peanut butter with a spoon in it. Spoonfuls of high caloric protein before bed, always a good thing. But the nachos were a bit mysterious as I distinctly remember not having salsa in my fridge. I'm not a cheese and chips only kinda gal. I need at least salsa, if not jalapenos, onions, beans and chicken on top of the nachos. At a closer look I noticed the cheese pieces were covered in green something… Of course, my crafty drunk self improvised with pesto for salsa. That's the culinary specialist coming out. And if I remember, which I don't, I think it was pretty good.

All of Saturday was spent laying on the couch. Chris was five times more hungover than I was since he stayed out about five hours longer. We rented Little Fockers and were very excited when we realized it was filmed no more than three blocks from where we live. Why is it that we get so excited when we see something on a movie that we've already seen in real life? You know when you're watching a film and you spot somewhere you've been or eaten and you shout "hey I was there!" Or maybe it's just a thrill for me? But rather than bucking up and heading out, we decided to stay in and experience our super cool neighborhood through a movie instead. You can take the lazy couple out of Topeka, but you can't take the… Yes, you can actually. We have zero Topeka left in us.

And how bout that game last night? Woo hoo! Go Mavs! Dirk is my favorite albino horse player ever! But I'm not gonna sit here and pretend I'm a huge NBA fan because I'm not. I like it two times of year, and that's when it's almost over, or when it involves animated creatures in a film called Space Jam. Talk about the best movie soundtrack of our time. Why haven't we seen more animated movies with NBA stars I wonder? I guess Chris Bosh did star as an Avatar, but that's already been a few years ago. I want a remake of Space Jam starring LeBron, D Wade, and Bosh the Avatar. We'll call it Space Heat. Or Miami Jam. Well the title can be worked on, we don't need any perverts thinking this is some sort of early 90's porn. But seriously, I watched the entire game last night. I think that's a first me. I'm just not a pro fan, mostly because I think professional fan attire is tacky. But that will all have to change now that I live in Chicago. I'm going to try very hard to completely embrace the Bulls, the Bears and the Cubs. Those are my teams now. And the Jags too, of course. If you look under my interests on my Fb page my favorite athlete is Zach Potter and nothing has changed there.

Enough sports talk though, it's time to go take on another day in the windy city. So uh, if anyone else isn't working today in the area, give me a jingle. Leave a text, VM, fb message, whatever. I check all pretty frequently. Yup... Just hanging out.